I still remember exactly where I was, precisely what I was doing and I highly doubt that I will ever forget because some things in life are indelible like that. My mentor teacher showed me an email with the tragic news. I vividly remember the simplistic two-lined email with substance that was too large to comprehend, believe or process. I thought maybe something happened to a local building downtown... there is no way this happened to the towers in NYC.
Utter disbelief... Denial is sometimes funny like that.
The mood for me and my mentor teacher instantly plummeted. Our apt students picked up on the shift and asked us what was wrong. Their questions sat suspended in mid air and just about the time the silence got totally awkward, the principal came on and made an announcement that now seems generalized and vague... and that is how the rest of the day went, actually. I was in a suspended state of being. Present but not really. Vague with clouds of dark gray.
Parents got their children out of class early... my boyfriend (who was working in a high rise very similar to the towers) was released from work early and came to see me at school. We sat in the lounge during lunch and watched the images on the TV in appalling and apprehensive silence. Denial. Utter disbelief.
I distinctly remember thinking about my mom attempting to describe what it was like the day JFK was shot. Somehow ... I knew that we were all experiencing that same sort of thing ...on a much deeper level.
I rarely ever watch the news, yet I was glued to the TV screen.
Immobilized by the images and sickened by the reports. I think I kept tuning in hoping that somehow everything would go back to normal or some report would somehow make sense of it all. Denial is funny like that.
I fell head over heels in love with Rudy Guiliani, the first voice and face of leadership to respond with direction, confidence and strength. His voice snapped me out of denial and became a glimmer of light in the midst of a very surreal nightmare. Denial lifted and after getting over my desire to open up a can on whosoeva was responsible for this incomprehensible catastrophe, I realized that ultimately all I could do was cling to was faith, hope and love. Faith. Hope. Love. That and the knowledge that in the end, evil never wins.
I was a very sombering moment for me as well. I was setting at the breakfast table with my grand-daughter who was barely age 2. She was eating dollar pancakes and her daddy and I were watching the morning news when we saw the report of the first plane then all of a sudden we were seeing, as it was actually happening, another plane hit the second tower. We were in disbelief as were the reporters. We thought it was a movie ad at first, then when the second one hit we knew the United States of America was under attack. My daughter who worked in downtown Dallas at that time, was stressed as was her husband and first grade son who were worried about her. My grandson didn't want his mom to go to work for several weeks after, and didn't want her to be away from him. Amazing how it effected a 6yr. old.
ReplyDeleteAs the days and weeks continued after, I was amazed at the level of fear that harrassed so many. Trying not to suspect every person of middle east descent, and pushing away feelings of anger at all middele easterners was a task. Fear of flying, being on an elevator in a high rise were also feelings that I was hearing from many others. Admittedly, I had some of the same cross my mind and in each situation I was so thankful for the Holy Spirit who spoke personal peace and grace to me and so many others. It was a time when our nation as a whole began to acknowledge that we do believe there is a God and that our God is good. He preserved so many and so many were reaching out for peace and help. Some questioned and are still questioning "Why" if there is a God did this happen? I am thankful, as a beleiver in Christ,I don't have to ask "why", but can have peace that God's protection and care are with us. I also know there is a devil out there to kill, steal and destroy and there are people who are working along side that devil to accomplish it. Our God did speak to so many who did listen and I believe He spoke to many who did not realize that He was giving them a warning that day. And there are stories from so many survivors who excaped the towers that fellow workers were crying out to Jesus when they died. I pray that those who accepted Christ that day and lived will remember and continue to seek Him for the peace and restoration in their lives. Without God there is no real life or hope after such an event. May we all continue pray for the peace of America and for Jerusalem.