being the right partner

image credit

Recently, I discovered Paul Newman's letter to his wife on their wedding day: “ Happiness in marriage is not something that just happens. A good marriage must be created. In the Art of Marriage, the little things are the big things. It is never being too old to hold hands. It is remembering to say ‘I love you’ at least once a day. It is never going to sleep angry. It is at no time taking the other for granted; the courtship should not end with the honeymoon; it should continue through all the years. It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives. It is standing together facing the world. It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family. It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy. It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways. It is not expecting the husband to wear a halo or the wife to have the wings of an angel. It is not looking for perfection in each other. It is cultivating flexibility, patience, understanding and a sense of humor. It is having the capacity to forgive and forget. It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow. It is finding room for things of the spirit. It is a common search for the good and the beautiful. It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal, dependence is mutual and obligation is reciprocal. It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner."

Foolywank Friday: Pretending like the images in magazines are legit

photograph courtesy of  Jadyn Noelle Photography

Sometimes... (usually while standing in the checkout line at the store)... I find myself being sucked into the false world of magazine covers.  I have to snap myself out of the dream world of perfection and back to reality with the quickness.  (You can see where I wrote more about kicking the idea of perfection to the curb over here.)   Since we all know these doctored images are not based on truth, why is the temptation to accept the false sense of beauty and the lie about reality so great?  The ongoing barrage of ads, photographs, campaigns and advertisements has become an assault to the mind, will, senses and emotions.  These images are everything except authentic; therefore, they should have no valid place in our minds, hearts and souls.  

A few days ago, my good friend, Holly, posted this link by Beauty Redefined about the foolywank "standards" of the industry.  I'm not blaming Photoshop, the celebrities or even the industry.  I am saying that it is time for us, the consumers, to become non-consumers and totally reject these false notions and images.  Period.  

one million ways

"There is no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one."  -Jill Churchill


This quote is universal because it applies to all of us: parents, siblings, cousins, extended family titles, students, teachers and friends.  Any word that describes someone can be substituted for the word "mother" in this quote.  So if you're reading this, the message is applicable to you wherever you are in your walk of life right now.  


This quote got me to thinking that sometimes we are too hard on ourselves.  Well, let me just speak for myself.  Sometimes most times I am too hard on myself.  Too tough, too critical and too demanding in my personal expectations.  While there is absolutely nothing wrong with setting healthy goals in the form of boundaries and discipline, it is inappropriate to demand or expect perfection simply because perfection (the idea of getting it all right all the time) from a human standpoint does not exist.  


When I re-read the underlined sentence, I realized that I totally understand this on a mental level; however the revelation has yet to penetrate my heart.  So here I am today: erasing the idea of perfection from my mind, my checklist and my inner vocabulary because the trade off sounds so rich: "millions of ways to be good".  Are the odds in my favor or what? 


We all know that searching for something that isn't real is just plain foolish.  Yes? Yes.
So today I am slaying my pursuit of perfection and accepting the reality that my best is good enough.  I just sent my inner critic packing, decided to fully embrace all the good that is and face the future full of hope and possibility.  Today let's focus on the good that we can do in millions of ways.  Send perfection packing.  Let's agree to do our best and trust God to do the rest.