transitions

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Anybody other than me going through some major transitions and changes right now? Lord, I sure do hope I ain't the only one. While I welcome change and transition like I would welcome a beloved, lifelong friend, somehow I always seem to forget how difficult periods of alteration can be.  So as I sit smack dab in the middle-- well, hopefully, more like three quarters of the way into this leg of my life journey, I can see how I've grown and matured in some ways.  I've learned to take things like this in stride a bit better than before. I've always known and chosen to believe that no matter what happens, I am going to be alright. Nevertheless, there is still a small part of me that wants to throw a tantrum, pout it out, then sit down and have a real good cry.  Why? Because everything feels so raw.  I feel extremely vulnerable and fragile because I have no idea about the ultimate plan and the unfolding timeline of events.  I've done all I can, and now, I must trust the process.  And wait.  It feels like I'm standing in a corridor.  Just standing.  Out here.  Unable to go into a room yet.  You know, just hanging out in the hallway.  It's dark and it's awkward because I can hear the buzz of activity going on behind the doors that are around me-- even though I'm not currently immersed in any of those worlds.  I'm waiting for the light to come on, for a door to fly open so that I can walk in dancing. I've done all I know to do, so now I'm waiting: Learning patience.  Resting: Learning more about Self Care.  Playing: Learning what Play looks like to me now in this stage of Life.  Keeping my friends close and letting the drama and its minstrels fade into oblivion.  Even though it feels uncomfortable, I know I am in a really good space.  Transition seems hardest when I'm trying to look cool, calm, and in control of the ride; however, when I let go of my perceived route and just roll with the reoccurring recalculations of the GPS, then (and only then) does the light turn on in the hallway.  And in that illuminated moment, I realize that I've got this.  And by this, I mean that I can jam, dance, laugh, and sing because my only job right now is to rock out in the hallway, and then keep the party going when the right door swings open.  

is it ever too late to apologize?

"Apologize for mistakes. Apologize for unintentionally hurting someone -- profusely. But don't apologize for being who you are." -Danielle LaPorte

I am smitten by this quote.  I find it equal parts encouraging and validating with whipped cream and a cherry of truth on top.  It is the bomb. 

Apologize.  Sincerely.  Profusely.  Somehow, the word apology and all that it encompasses and entails has become watered down.  These days apologies come bound with a back hand slap and a hardcore responsibility shrug thrown in for good measure.  What if we really took the initiative to own our stuff?  To say, this is mine.  I own it and if I did it wrong, I apologize and I will do my doggone best to make it right.  When a necessary or overdue apology lingers, it inhibits real relationship, connectivity, love and growth.  These things simply cannot flourish unless forgiveness abounds.  

You see, a sincere and humble apology can begin the healing process. For a severed relationship.  For those who were affected.  For you.  

Sometimes our actions (that later warrant an apology) may be unintentional.  Other times, they may be maliciously intentional. Apologize either way because if it's your dung, you need to claim it before it gets super stinky or rapidly dispersed by the fan.  

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"Don't apologize for being who you are."  I'm loving that right now.  I'm living that right now and the wisdom of Dr. Seuss reminds me: the people who matter don't mind and the people who mind don't matter.  So profound.  So simple.  So true.  I gotta be me and you gotta be you.   Let's remember to ask forgiveness when we need to.  That is all.  xo

being the right partner

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Recently, I discovered Paul Newman's letter to his wife on their wedding day: “ Happiness in marriage is not something that just happens. A good marriage must be created. In the Art of Marriage, the little things are the big things. It is never being too old to hold hands. It is remembering to say ‘I love you’ at least once a day. It is never going to sleep angry. It is at no time taking the other for granted; the courtship should not end with the honeymoon; it should continue through all the years. It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives. It is standing together facing the world. It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family. It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy. It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways. It is not expecting the husband to wear a halo or the wife to have the wings of an angel. It is not looking for perfection in each other. It is cultivating flexibility, patience, understanding and a sense of humor. It is having the capacity to forgive and forget. It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow. It is finding room for things of the spirit. It is a common search for the good and the beautiful. It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal, dependence is mutual and obligation is reciprocal. It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner."

If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies...

Reveling in the joy of the Christmas season.  Love, peace and joy.  Surrounded by friends and family.  Nothing beats spending quality time with the ones you love.  Nothing.  As I look around our den... toys are everywhere, the Cosby Show just finished playing and the people I get to do life with literally bring me joy.  The holidays are a season of togetherness and rest.  A time to take into account what really matters and carry that awareness into the future.  Life is good and I am grateful.  Truly grateful.  


Here is another oldie but goodie post.  You might want to read this post first though... and be sure to check out a few of my favorite bloggers below.  




Now that you have a firm grasp on who you are at home and you've decided whether or not you like what you see, it's time to address your outlook towards change.  Whether or not you  need to make changes in your life right now, it is time to fully embrace the concept of change.  

Seasons change...

Relationships change...

You change...

I change... 

Claudia True's Art      

Change is an inevitable and constant catalyst throughout life.  So the question today is do you willingly embrace or willfully resist change?  Friends, I am learning to willingly embrace  it.  Once upon a time I viewed change as a bad thing; however, I now see that change is a positive, healthy and undeniably dynamic sign of growth.  I am reminded of this truth every time I see a butterfly.  

In the midst of change there are definitely uncomfortable moments and sometimes the process literally hurts; HOWEVER,  on the other side of change, the full beauty of the journey is on display as you are enveloped and forever transformed by the rich experience.  


My encouragement to you today is this: Do not underestimate an opportunity to experience positive change and transformation.  Change is synonymous with freedom. Just when the caterpillar thought it was all over, he became a butterfly.








These are a few of my favorite blogs...


1.  5things.us 
My good friend, Holly's blog about raising girls in today's world.  Topics include healthy relationships, identity, mean girls, media, boys and real stories of moms and teens.  Every blog is a good read.  Her most recent blog about their stocking tradition is my fav.  

2.  Music Nerd Musings
Another good friend's blog.  She talks music, music, music and her posts make me laugh, smile or reminisce every time.  Her current series is entitled December Soul, which makes the musician in me swoon. 



Christmas love and holiday hugs from me to you!!! XOXO
  

Foolywank Friday: Last Week

Jury Duty


The death of three young adults.  Very young adults... like 18 years old.  Felt and still feels so swift and untimely... My heart literally aches for their friends and family.


Paper trails and red tape of the insurance process.  How someone can have insurance, need an emergency surgery and yet be waiting in the hospital for treatment is absolutely asinine.  


Watching a couple walk through a hellish, real-life nightmare within the legal system.  Tough, bizarre and surreal, especially when I think of the numerous chronic offenders who traipse in and out of the justice system.  


Did I say jury duty, already?


Many times last week it felt like I was seeing life through a dark and cloudy glass.  I kept rubbing the window pane trying to create a clear spot for viewing however my visibility remained somewhat obscured.  I continued moving forward.  Slowly.  When it's foggy, you have to travel like that despite your hopes, aspirations and plans.  Keep moving forward even at tortoise pace.  Even when things are not turning out the way I wanted them to and especially when I have to do things that I don't want to do. I am reminded that Growing Up...  Maturity is a continual process.  Last week drained me.  I felt mentally, physically and emotionally tired.  Thus the foolywank.  Not the issues and incidents that happened but my response? Foolywank.  So after I throw a fit or two or three, I finally land on these facts: 


During the times I cannot make clear, direct meaning or really grasp the greater purpose of all that is going on, I cry and cling Hope.  I am Broken and Hopeful all at the same time.  Broken because I am physically unable to alter or fix anything that is going on.  Hopeful because I know who can. And in the event that He does not work things out to my specifications, I am Hopeful still because I know He is good and that ultimately (somehow, someway... EVEN THOUGH I CAN'T SEE THROUGH THE CLOUDY WINDOW PANE) things will work out for good.  So I invite my brokenness in, have a real good cry and then cloak my brokenness in Hope.  Hope that things won't always be Broken.  I actually heard an amazing and uplifting message on this divine paradox just the other day.  Click here if you'd like to hear/view a video of the message.


As I type this Foolywank Friday post, a few lessons start to emerge:


I cannot get mad at God for what others do with the gift of free will.    


Being grateful (for what I do have/did have ...for how ever long I have/had it) is key.  


Jury duty made me especially grateful for my daily gig, way of life and many blessings.  (Soon-ish, I will write a post about my final day of jury duty because it was really sweet.)


Hold on to Hope.  Hold on to Hope.  Hold on to Hope.  Never let go. 


Trust Him and Surrender to His Process   


So, in light of our weeks that look like pure, unadulterated foolywank, let's cling to Hope, shall we?  The Hope that one day what is now cloudy will become crystal clear.  


p.s. On a non-Foolywank Friday note, last night I got to see the screening of an AWESOME, INSPIRING, and FAMILY FRIENDLY movie, Courageous.  My sweet friend, Vanessa hooked me up with tickets.  Thanks again, Vanes!  :D ... The movie made me think, laugh and cry.  Yet I left uplifted.  The movie is good.  So good that I will pay to go see it again this weekend.  Click here for more information about the movie Courageous



Love and Hugs!!!

The 4 Agreements

Jadyn Noelle Photography

Today I am reminded of a book that I read several years ago: The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.  I absolutely love the four agreements:

1. Be impeccable with your words.  Speak the truth in love.  Say exactly what you mean.  Speak positively about yourself and others (don't gossip).  Your words have power.  Direct them appropriately for you will live in the reality of the words you speak.  

2. Don't take anything personally.  The actions of others has nothing to do with you.     Every individual is personally responsible for that which they are projecting.  We experience unnecessary suffering when we believe the lie that so-and-so did such-and-such because of me.  Nope.  So-and-so did such-and-such because so-and-so decided to do such-and-such.    

3. Don't make assumptions.  Be courageous.  Ask questions.  Seek clarity.  Speak clearly.  Bypass the drama. This agreement alone can change the world.

4. Always do your best.  Knowing that your best will vary from day to day based upon the dynamics of life, simply agree to give your best effort.  No judgement.  No condemnation.  All inner peace.  Bring it (your best effort)*.  Everyday.  Do your best and forget the rest*!  

I purpose to live my life in a manner that reflects these ideals so it's nice to have a lil' refresher today.  While I don't always get it right, I do keep trying and this is part of the growth process.  Along the road to authentic living, I have found that in order to establish healthy agreements (like the ones above) I had to break a few several unhealthy agreements first.  I've also realized that some folks didn't appreciate it when I stopped reading from the script and started making another movie altogether.  

(Bless their hearts...)

Right about that time I (thankfully!) remembered agreement number two... nothing that others do has a thing to do with me.  Instant release.

What are your thoughts about these four agreements?

Do you by live them? Why or why not?

*(Shout out to Tony Horton in P90X)