keep on keeping on

Yesterday was a little rough.  

It started out with major communication irritations, peaked in a nostalgic-sentimental mood and then plummeted into a furious funk.  I still don't really understand how I went from one extreme to the other, but it happened nonetheless.  Gratefully, I didn't say or do anything yesterday that I regret today. 

As I wrote complaints from the cloud of fury into my journal last night, the negative energy was overwhelming so I wrote out a simple prayer and asked God to "meet me right now... to raise me up to him... to save me from my mess... from myself...to help me stop hating the things I cannot change about this life... to give me strength and courage to change the things I can..."  I also told him that I am "desperate for you to answer because I am on the last fiber of the thread that was once a rope."  I ended with two thoughts of gratitude (in direct opposition to the pervasive funk!), put my pen down and shut my journal.  

This morning... not too long ago, actually, I heard encouraging words in my heart, soul and spirit.  Words that are just too good to keep to myself.  So in case you need a reminder (like I did...), here goes:

"We are building something here that does not depend on how you feel at any given moment.  It is not about your lifetime; it's about your legacy."

I am holding onto this nugget of truth today and I hope you will grasp hold of it too.  We are part of something much greater than we can see, fathom or completely comprehend.  Let's encourage and remind each other (especially on the rough days!) that we are cultivating a legacy so it IS worth it to keep going.  

credit

how to prioritize your life

credit

"If you want your life to have a point, you'll have to taper it."  -Laura Francis

Verbal checkmate death blow to a recovering thought I could do it all, but I know 'tis true.    So as I vacillate between missions of ending hunger, building bridges out of poverty, swimming with dolphins, riding elephants in Bangladesh, folding laundry, cooking dinner, loving orphans, globetrotting, caring for widows and poor folk, telling people Jesus loves em, singing songs of hope, going grocery shopping, teaching and encouraging others, the whole taper thing comes to mind because you see, my list is broad.  T  O  O  B  R  O  A  D.  Time to narrow down, lean in and focus on what's really important in the right here and right now... in this season of life.  Doesn't mean I won't build bridges out of poverty.  Doesn't mean I won't love and care for widows and orphans.  Because I do and I will continue to do so; however, there is a natural order to fulfilling your dreams and it revolves heavily around your life priorities.  A few years ago, my brother shared this revolutionary list with me and now I'm sharing it with you.  In order of importance, here goes:

God
Spouse
Children
Call of God
Job
Others 
Yourself

PLEASE for the love of all things seen and unseen, keep reading even if you're single, have no children or think that God sucks.  I ask you to keep reading because for everyone, purpose and priority begin with the deep, intuitive, genuine part of you that is spirit.  Hence spirituality or a relationship with God (who LOVES YOU UNCONDITIONALLY and is like the best dad/dream dad ever!).  For me, the list above helps tremendously because if I am working my singing, writing and speaking while neglecting my hubster and our young'un, I know that I've just booked a one-way ticket to Crazy Town.  And since I no longer enjoy trips to that place, I now know how to re-direct and re-focus my efforts.  Meditating on scriptures and praying always bring me back to center and from there it's easy peasy to do life.  I cannot tell you how many times I have forgotten this simple yet profound truth.  Nor can I tell you how many years my priorities in life looked like this:

Me
Doing
Whatever
I 
Want 
To
Do


OR THIS:


Doing 
Everything
That
Others
Want 
Me 
To Do

Yeah, those eras didn't fare so well.  

Today I am so grateful to be living in a place of clarity where my priorities are straight.  Yes, walking it out can be a real booger at times, but I'm committed to giving my best effort everyday.  Doing my 100% absolute best and trusting God to do the rest.    

The cool thing about this list for properly prioritizing life is that it works for every stage and every aspect of life.  Married with no kids?  Life priorities looks this: 

God
Spouse
Call of God

Job

Others 

Yourself

Not married with kids?
God
Children

Call of God

Job

Others 

Yourself

Single with no kids?
God
Call of God
Job
Others 
Yourself

You see, you just skip over any aspect of  life that doesn't apply to you.  Skip over any aspect EXCEPT GOD.  <---That's the clincher here and He applies to you, loves you and wants to be part of your life whether you know it or not.  Whether you open your heart to Him or not... and even if you think He sucks, He still loves you with a passion because He's just bomb.com like that.  

If you're single now but you get married next year, you add spouse to the list at the appropriate time.  

The "call of God" is specific to each individual and it includes: 
your natural talents and gifted-ness
the issues that you are passionate about
the thing(s) you do that make(s) your heart race and 
you never ever get tired of it and 
it never ever feels like "work"

For me those things are writing, singing, speaking/teaching, working with young people and encouraging others.  Sometimes your job and the call of God are synonymous.  Other times they are two separate entities altogether.  Neither way is wrong or right, it just depends on the season (of life) you're in...

And placing yourself at the end of the list does NOT mean that you neglect to take care of yourself.  No you ARE to care for yourself.   It's all about maintaining a healthy balance, knowing that life is not ALL about you yet knowing that it's not about neglecting yourself either.  It's a delicate balance for sure, but it is totally do-able.  One of my favorite reminders from scripture is this: Love your neighbor as your self.  How can I love my neighbor if I don't love myself?  It's not possible, peeps.  So it's about living with the awareness that life is not "all about me" (aka being selfish or narcissistic), learning the balance of giving and receiving as well as caring for others and myself.  Placing yourself at the top of the list is the fast track to Narcissist Island, which ultimately isolates and destroys the individual.  Even the Greeks knew that to be true.  See their story about Narcissus here.

God's totally unselfish love is the only sustaining force that cannot be diluted, compromised, found faulty or remotely shaken.  And I know this only because it happens to be my bedrock foundation.  The fact that I am still standing (after all I have been through) is no little thing.  I'm sure the same is true for you. So, that being said, let's get and keep our priorities straight.  Let's adjust whenever we see a subtle reminder that things are off track.  For years, I kept this list on my bathroom mirror and it was also written in the the front flap of my journal.  I think it's time for me to put the list on display once more.  

Let us live with hope for a bright future that is the fulfillment of our wildest, deepest and most passionate dreams; yet be fully focused and engaged in the present, that which is before us today.  Paper stacks, half finished projects, punches in the face from the internet and all... I like to keep myself accountable and in check on the daily never forgetting the fact that I've got a pimped out ride in Bangladesh.  

♥ Sharita

touche

The first thing that comes to mind for me is how often we look at each other and make judgments based on surface appearance and/or our opinions and ideals without getting to know the person behind the burqa or the bikini.   It is so unfortunate that in the short term, making assumptions about each other seems so much easier.  Today, I remind you and I remind myself to stop using stereotypes.  Making harsh and often untrue judgments against each other is a one way express ticket to Hell.  Call me old fashioned, but what if we took the time to listen, to care, to show love, mercy and grace or at the very least ask questions and then really hear the answers.  Imagine a world where we chose to think the best of each other, not the worst.  

Sadly, this cartoon reflects our attitudes today.  Attitudes that continue to make the world sick, corrupt minds, polarize humanity and validate our decisions to turn against each other.  It is so sad because whether we see it or not--just like this cartoon above-- we're in bondage.  To our ideals, our self-righteous existence, our flawed sense of justice and our perceived right to live our life... all the while judging others for living theirs.  Heaven, help us all is the cry of my heart.  Help us.  Help me.  To live what I believe.  To love my neighbor as myself.  To treat others with love and shower them with grace, especially when I believe they are in the wrong.  To trust God and walk in a judgment-free zone.  Oh to realize that I am not always right.  That I cannot see the entire story from beginning to end.  To know that try as I might, I am not a Savior (Jesus is) and that ultimately I do not have the power to set all things right.  This doesn't mean that I just give up, either.  No, I keep fighting, but I know that what Gandhi said is true... "An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind."  The thought of this goes against everything in me when I am wronged, hurt or just plain ol' pissed off.  You see, if my eye is the one that just got poked, this feels unpopular and uncomfortable, but it is true nonetheless. So I continue to fight with an arsenal of non-traditional weapons: vulnerability, authenticity, grace, prayer and love.  Keep fighting.  Especially when it would be easier to just give up, cuss everybody out and go have a turkey sandwich.  I don't really like turkey, but you catch my drift.  

To remember the words of Jesus whenever I am tempted to judge someone,  "Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone..."  Nice way to say shut the hell up and go sit down somewhere, huh?  Jesus is so loving and classy like that.  I want to be like him.  I do.  Yet I am too quick to pick up a stone or poke the eye of whoever just poked me, which is why I ask him to help me everyday.  Left to my own devices, I am a rank mess that overflows onto others.  We all are.  'Tis true.  But when I tune my heart to listen to his voice and meditate on his words in scripture, I go from a rank mess to a work-in-progress-masterpiece.  That's an upgrade that I'll take any day.    

When I'm tracking with Jesus, I'm not giving anybody else the side eye, philosophically venting about someone through my status update on Facebook or Tweeting with the power and speed of an F5 tornado.  Instead I feel settled, at peace and able to walk in Love because this is what I hear in my heart and spirit: we are all the same kind of different; we are His... I also realize that I am often doing the very thing that I am judging in someone else, which is why forgiveness wins, a little Grace can go a long way and Love is the best motivator.  You know, the kind, patient, non-envying, non-boasting, non-judgmental type of Love.  Not the counterfeit, narcissistic and currently prevalent idea of love that says: do it my way, it's all about me and gimme mine.  I'm talking about true Love.  The Love that we all desire deep down... Love that keeps no record of wrongs, does not dishonor others and always protects.  If you want, you can read more about that kind of Love here.  I truly desire that kind of Love in my life.  I want to give and receive Love.  

Receiving Love... God's unconditional love is step one.  Accepting that God loves you.  Unconditionally.  Yes, you.  God loves you no matter who you are, what you've done or what you're currently doing.    He loves you even if you don't love Him and contrary to popular belief, He loves everyone.  Everyone, which includes but is not limited to: Gays, Straights, Lesbians, Transgenders and Bisexuals... Liberals, Conservatives, Bigots and Activists...Folks who are Single, Married, Widowed, Divorced, Re-Married and Blended Families (hello, Jesus was in the first blended family)... He loves Criminals, Liars, Thieves and Drug Dealers alike... He loves Welfare Recipients, Coupon Queens, the Rich, the Poor, Orphans, Haters and everyone in between.  He loves President Barack Obama, George W. Bush and Bill Clinton too.  He loves people who wear a bikini and He loves people who wear a burqa too.  He loves everybody and He don't play favorites like we do*.  Accepting that fact is the hardest part, I think.  I still don't fully understand why He loves me, but I do accept it and I will tell you this: His Love is so wide and deep that you just can't wrap your mind around it.  Don't even try because it'll give you a fierce headache.  Trust me.  This is a love that defies reason.  His Love is a truth that you have to accept and believe with your heart.  You know that true Love is the majorly lacking component in this world of ours.  I believe this is precisely the reason why true Love is the gift that Jesus brings to each of us.  His Love is beautifully pure and simple because it's for you and it's free.  All you have to do?  Believe and embrace.  You see, the crux of it is this: we have to receive it before we can give it.  Try as we might, our best attempt at love is counterfeit until we get a taste of the real thing.  You can read more about this sweet Love here.  Accepting this free gift of Unconditional Love is step one.  The hardest part, I think.  So hard but so worth it because His Love is what makes me see that Ms. Bikini and Ms. Burqa are my sisters.  This Love is what motivates me to embrace the truth that we are more alike than different and it continually reminds me that we are somehow the same kind of different.  That our journeys parallel, but we can only know this about each other if we open our hearts, authentically share and truly listen without preconceived thoughts, notions and opinions.  Love prompts me to be part of the solution and gently reminds me that I am the pot so I need to stop calling the kettle black.    

Endnote: This was a weighty post for me.  I've been pondering it for months now and still the words did not go how or where I thought they would...  Yet, I followed the trail to the end and clicked "publish".  While I was mulling everything over in my heart, mind and soul, I asked a few folks to share their thoughts:  

"...the naked tail chick thinks she's free since she can dress how she wants, but showing her ass to everyone isn't really freedom.  It plays into nasty fantasies, but she's bought the lie. ..Meanwhile, Ms. Cover-Up... shows how free and holy she is, but that still plays into a very controlled and male-dominated society...  Two extremes that are both wrong." -Cheray

" One is using her body to get attention and validate her self worth.  She's not even using her mind and ironically, she covers her eyes, which are the window to her soul.  She will show skin but hide her true self.  The other exposes who she really is (through her eyes), but her skin, which is private, is covered."  -Holly

"Touche."  -my Hubster

What are your thoughts? 

*I'm bound to get flack for this statement, but I don't care because I didn't make the rule up.  God did.  (Those who don't like it can take it up with Him.) It's 100% true and the Bible proves it time and time again.  His Love is like the sun, it shines down on everyone, so don't let anyone tell you any different.  If you receive His Love, it'll change your life for the better and in more ways than you could ever imagine.   I'm living proof of that.  Pinky Promise.  

pieces of me

This is my Grandaddy.  My Mom's Dad.  A picture (that I snagged from My Granny's album) taken in October 1966.  I remember him tilling the ground, planting seeds, watering and harvesting crops.  I remember corn stalks that seemed bent on kissing the sky.  I remember shucking corn.  All those doggone fine hairs!  I remember playing in the yard which seemed to go on and on forever and ever.  The joy of playing with my child in this same yard... of watching my child play with his cousins (just like I did once upon a time) in this same yard... The joy is inexplicable.  Same girl.  Same yard.  Different perspective.  

Today would have been his 81st birthday.  He's been in Heaven for 9 years now.  He was a preacher and hardworking father of nine (yeah, you read that right!) who taught me about God, the bible and hard work.  He taught me about avoiding foolywank, standing firm in my beliefs and telling the truth (first) to myself and others.  He taught me by example.  Grandaddy wasn't so much about talk as he was action.  Although this picture was taken many years ago, this is the way I remember him today.  Wearing his denim "overhauls" while tending to the garden after a long day at work.  When he took sick, I had been gone away from home for several years doing the college-working-married thing.  After a series of unsuccessful (botched) surgeries, he became weak and frail when he was supposed to be healing and recovering.  My family who took care of him during this time witnessed his decline firsthand.  I still have mixed feelings about living so far away during that time.  Not guilt but a deep and tender space for those who gave so much.  Gosh, I love my family.  We are not perfect, that's for sure, but we love each other unconditionally and as I grow older, I realize unconditional love is a gift that is rare, precious and full of immeasurable value.  

Happy Birthday, Grandaddy!  Say hello to Josh for me!  Thank you for pouring yourself into me.  Your influence in my life is still present every day.  Every single day.  From my faith and convictions to character and family values, your life is so much a part of mine.  I even find myself yawning in the same loud and obnoxious way that you did and after I'm done yawning, I always laugh and then smile.  

Word with the Wise Wednesday: My Granny

1.  What important life lessons have you learned so far?
Worrying is a waste of time.  Pray and trust God.  He will take care of you.  Worrying will just ruin your health.  If I can do something, I do it.  If I can't do anything, I pray and leave it in God's hands.  I have never been forsaken and He has always made a way.  Some people think they have to rob and kill, but there is no need for that.  God will take care of you if you let Him.


2.  How is the world different or similar to what it was like when you were a child?
When I was growing up, everything was segregated, but I didn't let that bother me. At that time, it was just the way things were and although I didn't particularly like it, I never thought about it much.  Today there are a lot more freedoms and so many opportunities for young people especially... yet I see so many young people getting into trouble and going astray.  Not all young people are getting into trouble; however, it seems like there are too many that are...  In my day, maybe one or two kids out of the whole community would get into trouble. Now this is happening with too many of our young people and it's really sad.  Many families will not admit that they are at fault, but character development, life training and discipline happens first and foremost in the home.  


3. What advice would you give parents today?

Teach your children about God's way.  You will never regret it.  Also, teach them to respect you.  Don't give them everything they want.  Only give them what matters (your time, love, character and discipline).  Don't let them have their way with everything.  When you discipline your children for doing wrong, it must come from a place of love.  If you do not discipline your children, you are indirectly saying that you do not love them...  Every child is different, but you must love them all equally...  No playing favorites and never praise one child above the other. Also teach them to eat healthy foods because their food choices now will matter later on in life.  


4. What has been one of the hardest lessons you have learned?
That some people are full of envy and jealousy... If they see you doing something positive and making progress, they try to make you stop.  When people like this gave me a hard time, I didn't fight with them.  I just spoke the truth and moved on... Some people are nice and some people are always trying to bring you down.  I never let the negative people bring me down.  I would smile and go right on about my business... I paid them no mind.  


5.  What are your earliest memories?
Let's see... my earliest memories involve cooking.  I can remember cooking my first skillet of cornbread when I was 8 years old.  At age 12, I baked my first cake.  I made it for my birthday and everyone in the community came to get a piece.  I was so happy that other people wanted some of the cake I made.  I was glad to share it and I barely got a piece!

6. What do you want people to remember about you?

That I had patience with my children, grandchildren and great grandchildren... that I helped take care of them, cooked for them and always helped in any way that I could.  

7.  What celebrities did you admire and emulate?

I never did want to be like anyone else.  I just wanted to be myself... I didn't want to cook or sew like anyone else. I wanted to cook and sew just like myself.  I always wanted to be me.  

Here is one of my fav pics of my Granny.  She is second from the left.