how to prioritize your life

credit

"If you want your life to have a point, you'll have to taper it."  -Laura Francis

Verbal checkmate death blow to a recovering thought I could do it all, but I know 'tis true.    So as I vacillate between missions of ending hunger, building bridges out of poverty, swimming with dolphins, riding elephants in Bangladesh, folding laundry, cooking dinner, loving orphans, globetrotting, caring for widows and poor folk, telling people Jesus loves em, singing songs of hope, going grocery shopping, teaching and encouraging others, the whole taper thing comes to mind because you see, my list is broad.  T  O  O  B  R  O  A  D.  Time to narrow down, lean in and focus on what's really important in the right here and right now... in this season of life.  Doesn't mean I won't build bridges out of poverty.  Doesn't mean I won't love and care for widows and orphans.  Because I do and I will continue to do so; however, there is a natural order to fulfilling your dreams and it revolves heavily around your life priorities.  A few years ago, my brother shared this revolutionary list with me and now I'm sharing it with you.  In order of importance, here goes:

God
Spouse
Children
Call of God
Job
Others 
Yourself

PLEASE for the love of all things seen and unseen, keep reading even if you're single, have no children or think that God sucks.  I ask you to keep reading because for everyone, purpose and priority begin with the deep, intuitive, genuine part of you that is spirit.  Hence spirituality or a relationship with God (who LOVES YOU UNCONDITIONALLY and is like the best dad/dream dad ever!).  For me, the list above helps tremendously because if I am working my singing, writing and speaking while neglecting my hubster and our young'un, I know that I've just booked a one-way ticket to Crazy Town.  And since I no longer enjoy trips to that place, I now know how to re-direct and re-focus my efforts.  Meditating on scriptures and praying always bring me back to center and from there it's easy peasy to do life.  I cannot tell you how many times I have forgotten this simple yet profound truth.  Nor can I tell you how many years my priorities in life looked like this:

Me
Doing
Whatever
I 
Want 
To
Do


OR THIS:


Doing 
Everything
That
Others
Want 
Me 
To Do

Yeah, those eras didn't fare so well.  

Today I am so grateful to be living in a place of clarity where my priorities are straight.  Yes, walking it out can be a real booger at times, but I'm committed to giving my best effort everyday.  Doing my 100% absolute best and trusting God to do the rest.    

The cool thing about this list for properly prioritizing life is that it works for every stage and every aspect of life.  Married with no kids?  Life priorities looks this: 

God
Spouse
Call of God

Job

Others 

Yourself

Not married with kids?
God
Children

Call of God

Job

Others 

Yourself

Single with no kids?
God
Call of God
Job
Others 
Yourself

You see, you just skip over any aspect of  life that doesn't apply to you.  Skip over any aspect EXCEPT GOD.  <---That's the clincher here and He applies to you, loves you and wants to be part of your life whether you know it or not.  Whether you open your heart to Him or not... and even if you think He sucks, He still loves you with a passion because He's just bomb.com like that.  

If you're single now but you get married next year, you add spouse to the list at the appropriate time.  

The "call of God" is specific to each individual and it includes: 
your natural talents and gifted-ness
the issues that you are passionate about
the thing(s) you do that make(s) your heart race and 
you never ever get tired of it and 
it never ever feels like "work"

For me those things are writing, singing, speaking/teaching, working with young people and encouraging others.  Sometimes your job and the call of God are synonymous.  Other times they are two separate entities altogether.  Neither way is wrong or right, it just depends on the season (of life) you're in...

And placing yourself at the end of the list does NOT mean that you neglect to take care of yourself.  No you ARE to care for yourself.   It's all about maintaining a healthy balance, knowing that life is not ALL about you yet knowing that it's not about neglecting yourself either.  It's a delicate balance for sure, but it is totally do-able.  One of my favorite reminders from scripture is this: Love your neighbor as your self.  How can I love my neighbor if I don't love myself?  It's not possible, peeps.  So it's about living with the awareness that life is not "all about me" (aka being selfish or narcissistic), learning the balance of giving and receiving as well as caring for others and myself.  Placing yourself at the top of the list is the fast track to Narcissist Island, which ultimately isolates and destroys the individual.  Even the Greeks knew that to be true.  See their story about Narcissus here.

God's totally unselfish love is the only sustaining force that cannot be diluted, compromised, found faulty or remotely shaken.  And I know this only because it happens to be my bedrock foundation.  The fact that I am still standing (after all I have been through) is no little thing.  I'm sure the same is true for you. So, that being said, let's get and keep our priorities straight.  Let's adjust whenever we see a subtle reminder that things are off track.  For years, I kept this list on my bathroom mirror and it was also written in the the front flap of my journal.  I think it's time for me to put the list on display once more.  

Let us live with hope for a bright future that is the fulfillment of our wildest, deepest and most passionate dreams; yet be fully focused and engaged in the present, that which is before us today.  Paper stacks, half finished projects, punches in the face from the internet and all... I like to keep myself accountable and in check on the daily never forgetting the fact that I've got a pimped out ride in Bangladesh.  

♥ Sharita

word with the wise wednesday: my youngest brother

1. What important life lessons have you learned so far?
Always be nice to people-- no matter what.  What goes around really does come around and you never know who you will need or what will happen on down the road.  So be nice and do not retaliate.  

2. How is the world today different or similar to what it was like when you were a child?

The main thing I've noticed is TV programs.  When I was younger, cartoons were just for kids, but now half of the cartoons are for adults.  I've also noticed an increase in violence and profanity.  

3. What has been your hardest lesson to date?
Money management.  I've had to train myself to save more and spend less... not to go out and buy something just because I want it.  

4.  What is the one thing you want people to remember about you?
That I was always willing to help others.  

And help others he did.  If you haven't already, you can read my previous post to see my dedication to Josh aka Joscwar.  The spelling of his nickname has always been hilarious to me.  My other brother, Greg came up with the spelling.  Originally, I wanted to spell it Joswar, but Greg insisted on adding the letter C then clarified that "the C is silent."  This still makes me laugh to this day!!!  I interviewed both of my brothers for Word with the Wise Wednesday right around the same time yet it never felt right to publish Josh's ...until now.  Josh died at age 24 but he really was a wise, old soul.  I love him.  I miss him and yet I can still feel his presence in a very deep and spiritual sense.  Right now I'm in my hometown of Chattanooga, Tennessee, where there is an abundance of love and support from family and friends.  For that, I am truly grateful.  I am learning to flow like water with the current of life.  I will keep choosing to move forward with a smile on my face and faith in my heart.  I hope you are blessed by the wisdom of Joscwar. 

Be sweet!

in memory of joscwar

me, Joscwar and Gregor 

Today my youngest brother died.  

He was the most kind-hearted, content and genuinely accepting person I know.  I'm not just saying that because he's dead either.  You know how people tend to wax nostalgic and say all manner of un-truth after a person is dead?  Well, that ain't the case here.  Just keepin' it real even in the midst of grief!  

Joshua was 24 years old.  Still a baby in my mind.  You see this post is titled "in memory of joscwar" because we (me and my siblings) always had nicknames for each other.  Each of us had several nicknames and for some reason, Joscwar (pronounced "joe-swar") is what stuck for Josh.  I referred to him as Joscwar when he answered the phone during our talk last week.  He was doing so well.  Working a great job downtown, living on his own, paying his bills, saving money, driving (which was a huge deal because he had seizures throughout his life) and maturing.  When we talked last week, I was so happy for him.  So proud of him.  I remember asking him about his apartment and whether or not he was happy with the area he chose.  He told me that it was a great choice and elaborated on safety features, mature neighbors and little to no foolywank.  Joscwar told me that he was glad he chose this location verses another more popular area for people his age.  I told him that he was so wise for his age.  He was an old soul.  As a toddler he wore suits (by choice!), carried his bible and talked to everyone we came across.  I ain't jokin!  Back in the day when young men bagged your groceries and took them out to your car, he'd talk their ear off!  He was the best listener, slow to speak and always encouraging and uplifting others.  He loved to make us laugh.  And didn't mind looking silly in the process.  He valued family, friends and peace.  

My other brother Darryl (remember that from Newhart?) nicknamed Gregor found Josh today.  Did I mention that today is Gregor's birthday?  Yeah... file that under things that break my heart.  But then I remember that brokenness and hope live in the same room... because they hold hands.  I wrote that post back in October when I found out that I was no longer pregnant.  The same shock that I felt then, I feel today; however, the shock and pain about the miscarriage (I dislike that word but can think of no other synonym!) hurts less today.  So I know this pain won't last forever.  I know Josh is happy, safe and complete in a way that defies description.  I know I will see him again one day.  The fact that he was secure in his faith and had a strong relationship with the Lord gives me much peace.  The passage of scripture I cling to in the face of death is 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18.  It is my reminder that there is hope.  Always.    

Word with the Wise Wednesday: My Brother

1. What important life lessons have you learned so far?
Living a truthful life is a better life.  The best life, actually.  And a positive outlook goes a long way.  It is very magnetic and attractive.  


2. How is the world today different or similar to what it was like when you were a child?
When I was a child, life revolved around important milestones and memories that were behind me.  Now as an adult, it's about the milestones and moments that are in front of me.  


3. What has been your hardest lesson to date?
That consequences are universal and nothing can change a consequence. 


4.  What is the one thing you want people to remember about you?
I would want people to remember two things actually: That I exercised wisdom and got results.  I don't just want wisdom without results or vice versa.