from blah to beautiful in a day

You know those days when you feel like blah for no reason?  Except there are reasons?  This sort of day happened to me recently. I was missing my family like cray.  I'm still in transition so everyday feels like I'm a tester for roller coasters, and people are showing me who they are and for better or worse, I am believing them. I've recently realized and accepted the fact that sometimes our hearts intertwine and stay that way forever just because. Other times, we fully face and seek to embrace the reality that shelf lives, seasons, and expiration dates are for real. Another reason that propelled me into blah-dom: In the same night, I experienced euphoric heights of love and connection with my tribe, and then somehow crash landed into a desolate island where foolishness had gone to seed and taken root. The juxtaposition was a jarring yet poignant reminder of what I choose to embrace and that which I can entertain no longer...

All of these feelings were a cocktail of contrasting emotions.  Sitting on top of my own turbulent heart sensations were the tough situations of folks I love and adore.  It was all too much and I woke up with a sense of drowning in overwhelm. Flying down the highway I said a whine of a prayer that went something like this: Please help.  Everything feels so harsh right now.  Like it's all too much and I am not feeling the love. The very thing I thought would heal me has brought me undone. It feels like I cannot sense love and beauty anymore.  Open my eyes and help me see.  Help, help, help. 

I floundered and felt bottomed out emotionally for a few hours, but I kept pushing through--on the verge of tears--taking one step at a time.  A phone call from my favorite uncle was the first sign.  His call was the lifter of my head.   We talked for hours and it was food to my soul. Food.  To my soul, yall.  Monarch butterflies were the next omen.  All day, everywhere I went, they fluttered nearby and made my heart leap.  Their orange wings brought me hope for the present moment.  Even Neighbor was involved without knowing.  She rounded out the trifecta when she so lovingly ran an errand for me.  I didn't ask or expect her to yet she *always* does things like this for me; however, on this particular day, she delivered a loving message from the librarian. Her exact words that echoed in my heart: You are loved by even librarians. 

God's answer was undeniable: See the beauty and feel the love because it is SO there.  

Earth Angels are real yall! 

The day could have ended right there for me because I truly received the message and my heart was full; however, "my cup runneth over" when my doorbell rang and a true Earth Angel was standing on my porch with the most glorious bouquet I have EVER seen. Blow me away, sweet Baby Jesus.  We talked, took a ride together, and then talked some more.  Just being with Earth Angel undid the crash landing, unraveled the overwhelm, and healed another little piece of my heart.  Friends, there is hope for the present moment.  May you see the beauty and feel the love.  May your overwhelm come undone and your heart receive sweet healing.  If you need a sign, just ask. Surely it will come (tweet it).

   

subconsciously ticked?

So the other day I woke up subconsciously ticked.  You know when you're pissed off internally, but you have yet to fully acknowledge or realize it?  This is what I call being subconsciously ticked.  You're slightly irritated, annoyed or heated but the reason why has yet to surface.  I hope you catch my drift... but anyways, like I said, I woke up SubT and now as I reflect, this may or may not've had to do with any of the following:

It was hot.  Way hot.  Hottttttttttttt.com 

Seriously.  There were wildfires blazing outta control, the sky was shades of black, gray and burnt umber AND homes were being burnt to the ground.  Literally.  We were praying for rain.  Still are.  

Turns out editing a book is much more time consuming in real life than it is in my dreams.  

I got rear-ended (again!) while stopped at a redlight.  Boohiss.

I could add more things (I am an HSP... my neck and low back are hurting... what is it about soreness hitting the day--and subsequent days--after?) but I won't... even though I kinda just did hahaha

When I sat down to attend a wedding just days after aforementioned rear-ending, that is when I realized that I was SubT...  

(You may not know this about me, but weddings are my favvvvv. I would get married every year (to the same man!) if I could.  I simply adore weddings.  The decorations, the covenant, a promise to love, honor, cherish and forsake all others, a new family forming, a new beginning... a gloriously extravagant display of Love.  It makes my heart swoon every time.)  

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...So as I witnessed holy matrimony, I released and let go of my SubT because once again I realized: Love Wins.  It sounds romantically hopeless, I know, but it is the truth.  Love always wins.  Always.  Wins.  And weddings symbolize this eternal truth.  As I sat in the lovely love-drenched atmosphere, SubT gave way to joy and gratitude.  Stories and laughter  filled the air as I engaged in heart felt conversation with friends who are like family.  These joys replaced  displaced SubT.  Thankfully.

Then came an overabundance of even more smile-inducing memories:

geeking out at the coffee shop with my twinnnn

"stim cells" -- electronic stimulatory goodness for a sore back

dinner with precious peeps 

holding a handsomely perfect six week old baby boy 

G.I. Joe missions galore

manicures and pedicures

flip flops

yoga

family

friends

wedding cake

a sweet baby girl fast asleep in my arms

friends who watch your dog for you when you're out of town (even though you always forget to ask until the last minute) 

a good book

cream and sugar with a little bit of coffee

road trips!

sincerely heartfelt conversation

and then just a few moments ago, this video: 

No need to be subconsciously ticked, see?  
"Let's look at the world a little differently" 
because Love is super legit and it wins, yall.  
Now.  Later.  Or in the End.  

Love wins.   XO Sharita

foolywank friday: everything is easy #lie

Pretending like life is easy.  Why do we do it?  Why do we lie to ourselves and others saying everything is all good when it isn't? Sometimes life delivers a tough and swift kick to the gut; other times life delivers a huge bouquet right on our doorstep.  My point today is this:  when life is tough... and at some point it will be because the struggle is inevitable... reach out to someone you can trust and let them know what's up.  We all need encouragement and support on the regular, but during the tough times, we need it even more.  

Stop pretending like _______ isn't hard.  


Fill in the blank...


life
this relationship
working
trusting others
marriage
trying again
moving
moving on
cleaning up
saying goodbye
child-rearing
letting go
divorce
single parenting
holidays with/without the extended fam
working out
kicking a habit
eating healthy 
transition
empty nest
love
sickness
death
being your best self

Fill in the blank and then stop pretending.  Because in this case, pretending is synonymous with lying to yourself and we all know that lying to yourself is NEVER a good thing. 

Life is hard sometimes because it is a battle.  

Oh yes, there are moments of reprieve: time to reflect and take in all the beauty and splendor. Yet there are undeniable times of disappointment or momentary paralysis.  In those difficult moments, it is important to say (admit!) to a loved one or trusted friend that this situation "is hard" or things are "rough right now."  Sometimes we just need to say it so we can hear that loved one or trusted friend say, "I can imagine" or "I understand" ... or perhaps they'll sit with us, hug us, pray for us, talk us off the ledge or simply hold our hand.  

Sometimes we need to hear "I know it's tough, BUT YOU CAN DO IT."

Sometimes it's hard and then it gets hardER before it gets easy.  

Just keep pressing on, my friend.  Change is coming.  The struggle is inevitable, but change is too.  So is triumph and it is in your blood to battle and emerge victoriously.  

Quit pretending like it's not hard sometimes though.  Everything is easy = Lie.

Life is gloriously brutal, breathtakingly beautiful, worth doing.

Fight hard for faith, family, friendship, hopes, dreams and love.

These things are all worthwhile.

Let's just make sure we love, support and encourage each other along the way.  

We will come through it if we are willing to press on rather than pretend.  

mom panel

I get to be part of a really awesome panel of 6 mamas.  The purpose?  To encourage moms in their current season of life and give them a heads up about what's ahead.  If you're not a mom, stay with me because the material we share actually applies to all people.  Grannies, Papaws, Cousins, Godparents, Siblings, Foster Parents, Guardians, Aunts and Uncles even.  Everybody can walk away with helpful information.  Promise.

The cool thing about the panel is that it's comprised of 6 women and we're all from different walks of life.  Each mama shares ten things she is learning or has learned about her current season of life.  It's funny.  It's real.  It's encouraging.  I am on the panel and I laugh, cry and learn something new every time we speak. 

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Just to whet your tastebuds... here are a few juicy bits:

Raising Preschool Children 

Never bad mouth spouse, parents, in-laws to/with/in front of the chi'ren.  Save personal gripe sessions for a  confidante (not your child) who will listen to you, pray for you and then tell you to snap out of it!  

Raising Elementary Ages  

My example trumps all.  We can say what we want to our children, but they will follow what we do.  How I live matters.  

Raising Teenagers

I have learned not to overreact and jump in too early... I need to respond vs. react... I realize my child will pick up on my emotions and it can possibly make things worse.  

Raising College Age "Adults" 

You've had them 18 years... it's too late if you haven't taught them to make their bed, wash their own clothes, be responsible with money, choose their own friends and study.  Sink or swim... let them... and don't nag.  

Interactions w-Married "Children" and Grandchildren

Love grown children and their spouses unconditionally.  Encourage constantly.  Find positive character traits and offer genuine praise often.  Communicate with genuine love and respect.  

Raising children as a Single Parent

Choose to go on living rather than allow myself to be paralyzed emotionally and spiritually... living in a long-term dazed state.  I may have to make this choice repeatedly.  

And that's just an appetizer!  I hope something encouraged or inspired ya!  Pass it on or live it.  Community is a huge part of raising young'uns so don't discount yourself if you aren't a parent.  We all have a part to play  in the lives of people who are younger than we are. 

And as far as the mom panel goes, it's a full dose of laughter, truth and encouragement.  Pinky swear!  We travel and we're willing to talk to anybody who'll listen! Holler if you'd like to have us come share the full monty!  

pieces of me

This is my Grandaddy.  My Mom's Dad.  A picture (that I snagged from My Granny's album) taken in October 1966.  I remember him tilling the ground, planting seeds, watering and harvesting crops.  I remember corn stalks that seemed bent on kissing the sky.  I remember shucking corn.  All those doggone fine hairs!  I remember playing in the yard which seemed to go on and on forever and ever.  The joy of playing with my child in this same yard... of watching my child play with his cousins (just like I did once upon a time) in this same yard... The joy is inexplicable.  Same girl.  Same yard.  Different perspective.  

Today would have been his 81st birthday.  He's been in Heaven for 9 years now.  He was a preacher and hardworking father of nine (yeah, you read that right!) who taught me about God, the bible and hard work.  He taught me about avoiding foolywank, standing firm in my beliefs and telling the truth (first) to myself and others.  He taught me by example.  Grandaddy wasn't so much about talk as he was action.  Although this picture was taken many years ago, this is the way I remember him today.  Wearing his denim "overhauls" while tending to the garden after a long day at work.  When he took sick, I had been gone away from home for several years doing the college-working-married thing.  After a series of unsuccessful (botched) surgeries, he became weak and frail when he was supposed to be healing and recovering.  My family who took care of him during this time witnessed his decline firsthand.  I still have mixed feelings about living so far away during that time.  Not guilt but a deep and tender space for those who gave so much.  Gosh, I love my family.  We are not perfect, that's for sure, but we love each other unconditionally and as I grow older, I realize unconditional love is a gift that is rare, precious and full of immeasurable value.  

Happy Birthday, Grandaddy!  Say hello to Josh for me!  Thank you for pouring yourself into me.  Your influence in my life is still present every day.  Every single day.  From my faith and convictions to character and family values, your life is so much a part of mine.  I even find myself yawning in the same loud and obnoxious way that you did and after I'm done yawning, I always laugh and then smile.