goodbye, jack bauer

Jack Bauer, I love you.  I hate your clock.  It makes me nervous and stresses me out a bit.  But I keep watching because I love you, your guns and your ninja-like combat skills.  I do not like all the stress that ensues during the hour, but I do enjoy the espionage, unpredictability and the general bad-assness of your role.  I'm watching you right now, actually.  

Watching as I type this.  Thank you, Netflix.  

Due to the high levels of palpable stress during each episode, multi-tasking has become my  coping mechanism.  Intermittently answering emails, adding to my boards on Pinterest, folding laundry, typing a blog post...doing whatever it takes to bring the level of high alert from a 10 to a 5.  I'm looking at you, but I'm looking at other stuff too.  I hope you can understand where I'm coming from, Jack.  Multi-tasking keeps me from getting too freaked out while you choke people out, blow stuff up and save the United States.  Again.  

I am on Season 7 right now and I am planning to finish Season 8 before we chuck the deuce to 2012.  Netflix, thank you again for making this all possible.  

JB, I love you.  I really do, so it's hard to say this... but you can't follow me into the new year.  It's not possible.  No, Jack, it's not an option.  It's not you... and it's not me... It's your clock.  That thing is super annoying.

forever friends

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You know... the people who have always got your back

Will tell you the truth 

Especially when/if no one else will

Walk through fire with you

Sing on the mountain top with you

Cheer for and celebrate you

Love you regardless and unconditionally

Laugh with you

Pray with you

Cry with you too

Forever friends are timeless.  Sometimes it's people you've known forever.  Sometimes it's people you've know for a year.  You can belly laugh, share your hopes and sorrows, and really expose the depth of who you are.  It is safe here.  The currency is love and vulnerability, two things that never go out of style but just appreciate with time.  

Do you have these sorta people in your life?  I hope you do. 

They're the people that you know you'll always be friends with.  The friends you talk to every day, every other day, day after day.  The friends you can go for months without talking to, but when you do talk, it's as if no time has passed.  Forever friends... today I honor and celebrate you.  You know who you are and I love you dearly.  Each one of you... dearly love.  You encourage and inspire me.  Your fabulous friendship makes life doubly sweet.

   XOXO 

election day = all good

Today is election day in the United States.  I am grateful for the opportunity to vote.  I value and appreciate democracy.  I am grateful that all the political ads, accusations and general election campaigning foolywank has finally ceased.  I am not ready for the whining that will be coming later on tonight from the peeps who are on  the losing side.  Rule #1 at our house is no whining, you see.    

Four years ago, I remember hearing remarks from Republicans about Democrats viewing Obama as a savior, which makes me wonder now if Republicans are doing the same thing with Romney*.  

Hearing the savior comparisons about Obama and seeing the same sort of thing happen with Romney has only solidified my view that Jesus, the love specialist who saves, heals, and changes hearts and lives, is the Savior.  He always has been.  He always will be.  Man is not the answer to man's problems 'cause we would've figured it out by now, don't cha think?  

I vote and pray for our leaders in this country (whether I like/agree with them or not) and I pray for people and leaders across the globe.  (I got that idea straight from the  bible.) Gossiping about our leaders, wishing they were dead, slandering and even hating them... 

can't really find that anywhere in the B-I-B-L-E.  

I remember being convicted to the core when I read if you hate your brother, you hate God.  <---This is my constant reminder that there is no room for hate in my heart.  None.  Not for the President, the Priest or the Person who hurt me the most.  I hope and pray that this election, the people of faith will vote, yes. But more importantly that the love and the loving nature of Christ will be seen in our hearts, lives and actions yesterday, today and in the days and weeks to come.  

When people get so amped up about politics and all the tomfoolery that can go along with it, I find myself hoping and wishing that the Mayans were right and we can all chuck the deuce** to this world sometime in December 2012.  I mean wouldn't that be funny and amazing if we all just peaced out this December?  Merry Christmas!!!! (Happy Hanukkah!!!! Happy Kwanzaa!!!! Happy Holidays!!! Bah Humbug!!!! or whatever you say... and then) *poof* spontaneous evaporation

I hope you're laughing because I'm not serious... at least I don't think I am... hahaha

My entire point about voting is this: That we will vote our morals and consciousness while trusting and respecting the fact that other people will (and have the opportunity to) do the same.  I hope and pray that our love would be long, our respect would be wide and all judgment would dissipate.  After all, God is the judge, which is why I have faith-- a strong inner knowing or certainty-- that regardless of who is "running" the free world, I know and belong to He who truly runs the world.  And we are all part of His greater and sovereign plan.  So I vote, but I know that regardless of who wins this or any other election, I'm good.  All good, actually.  

*If that statement ticks you off, you might be guilty.

**throw up a peace sign, say "peace out" or "goodbye"

30 days of thanks




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Day 1: sunshine + blue sky
Day 2: smoothies
Day 3: family (for me, family = relatives and friends) :)
Day 4: my hubster who loves me + supports me + likes me 
Day 5: kindred spirits
Day 6: the opportunity to vote 
Day 7: a long talk with a great friend
Day 8: our fun-loving, free-spirited kiddo
Day 9: music!!!
Day 10: good eats w-my peeps #crackerbarrel
Day 11: mi casa
Day 12: homemade cookies fresh out the oven
Day 13: divine appointments
Day 14: rest and recovery 
Day 15: technology that keeps me in touch w-family & friends near & far
Day 16: charitable organizations
Day 17: Netflix 
Day 18: snuggles
Day 19: seeing a friend accomplish a goal #priceless
Day 20: road trips!
Day 21: my brother, my sista-in-love and my nephew 
Day 22: smoked brisket and mi madre
Day 23: bamboo, fudge & Aunt Sissy
Day 24: an unexpected meal on the house
Day 25: friendship
Day 26: hot tea
Day 27: handwritten notes via snail mail
Day 28: medicine
Day 29: an easy, delicious, not too dry or hard as a rock scone recipe!
Day 30: lovely neighbors

first my heart broke, then hummingbirds came

Once upon a time I bought a hummingbird feeder.  Although I have loved hummingbirds for a long long time, it never occurred to me to purchase a feeder because I figured we lived too close to the city.  But one day I saw a feeder smack dab on a neighbor's front porch HALF FULL of nectar and that was all the encouragement I needed.  So I planted a penstemon (attracts hummies), hung my feeder and faithfully tended to the nectar. But no hummies came.  I remained diligent to the mission and prayed for hummingbirds to come because I really really really wanted to see one. None showed up, but I kept trying.  I plodded on and even asked my husband and Neighbor's husband to pray for hummingbirds to come.  Both were silent, gave me the side eye and slowly walked away.  Whatever, haters!  If I make it (the nectar), they will come, I thought.  So I kept at it. I pressed on until about the year and a half/two year mark and when I *still* hadn't seen hummingbird the first, I was like done.  And ticked.  Off.  I didn't get rid of the feeder because it was cute and vintage-y looking, so I allowed it to remain in the garden.  I totally gave up on the hummies though.  I was extremely disappointed and I truly stopped believing that they would EVER show.  

Fast forward a year or so... feeder still in place, still empty as all get out... and I'm still reeling over the heartbreak of few successive rapid-fire punches that almost knocked the life out of me.  I was having a rough day.  A rough couple of days, weeks and months, actually.  I was putting on a brave face and showing up to do my absolute best, but the truth is I felt heartbroken.  Despite the way I was feeling, I kept showing up and when it was time to work (write), I went to my office to sit stare out the window write.  AS SOON AS I ENTERED THE ROOM, I saw a blur of something dart near the upper right side of the window.  I didn't think much of it, but I did look towards the movement and there was the cutest, smallest, most adorable hummingbird I'd ever seen.  I was astonished.  Silently awestruck, I watched this gorgeous creature dance at the feeder.  Then I remember thinking, THERE'S NO NECTAR IN THERE.  Of all days for a hummie to come and there ain't no nectar...  Thankfully, this didn't seem to bother my beautiful friend one bit because the dancing continued and THEN he moved away from the feeder to the left side of the window and flapped and fluttered those beautiful wings directly facing me.  It was as if he was looking me right in the eye.  Time seemed to slow down and this felt like it went on for at least ten or twelve minutes.  In reality, it was more like ten to twelve seconds, which is like fifteen years for sporadic hummies, right?  Cutie Patootie flitted off, leaving the same direction he came, and I broke down and released the most guttural sobs.  

As I was on my knees crying, my sobs gave way to gratitude because I knew the hummingbird was a wonderful omen.  It was God's way of speaking to me because only He knows what hummingbirds mean to me. (I will not even attempt to convey their significance to you because words cannot express it.) My heart was wailing, releasing, celebrating and receiving... simultaneously. My omen was this: everything is gonna be alright.  Even if I can't  see when or how.  Even if I momentarily lose my way or stop believing.  Doesn't matter because He is building something that does not depend on how I feel at any given moment.  And this builder NEVER fails.  Just when I pulled myself together and thought the tender moment was over, Cutie Patootie came back (several times!) and even brought a friend.  I cried on and off all day.  

I wanted to end this post with something about Prince and how this is what it sounds like when doves cry because I was crying and birds are involved, but since we're dealing with hummingbirds and not doves, I will just say this: It is going to be ok, so don't stop believing.  And even if you do, God will never give up on you or stop believing in you.  #thatslove

The remarkably brilliant Brene Brown refers to this leg of the journey as a "breakdown spiritual awakening."  Quite frankly, I would have preferred to receive this lesson/these lessions via book or osmosis, even, but since that ain't the way it works, my advice to US is this: lean into the heartbreak, push through the heart wrenching pain or metaphorically give it the finger by showing up each day anyway because regardless of how you feel or what it looks like, what you do or do not do, there is a favorable blessing over your life and your sign will come.  Rest assured that whatever you need...  it will come.  

♥ Sharita

imbalanced hope

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Sometimes I have this.  Imbalanced hope.  I keep showing up with a smile even though that situation or individual has kicked me in the teeth seventeen times.  All seventeen times that I have shown up.  Kicked in the teeth... every time. Well, maybe it was only sixteen times, but either way, the ratio is unfavorable and at the very least, I should be showing up with a mouthguard and headgear.  

What is funny about abusers teeth kickers is that they seem to get off on treating the people they love like crap.  I have had the honor privilege painful experience ... I have been able to observe this ridiculousness  first hand for almost fifteen years.  *cue violin* 

In a nutshell, it's painful to behold or experience and it sucks because the relationship is a one way highway to hell where you give and give and give and it's never ever ever reciprocated.  There are moments that at first glance seem to be reciprocation, but once again, it's a swift, hard kick to the pearly whites.  I don't know if these people/situations are psychotic, narcissistic or what exactly... and I'm done trying to figure it out really because it's their problem, not mine.  And, I have mucho bien amigos.  Mucho, mucho bien amigos who inspired me to write this post about the ways to be a fab friend.  This past weekend, I got to live out the awesomeness of fab friends at a reunion of sorts via wedding with some of my college pals who are equal parts hilarious, loving, honest and utterly amazing. It was heaven on earth and I will share *some* of that soonish...  But for now, back to the craycray peeps...  Dealing with them is downright dastardly and devilish and I have the scars and dental bills to prove it.  *violin solo ends*

So, in trying to find the healthy ground between showing up for a teeth kicking (again... hopefully not... this time could be different is how it usually goes in my head) or showing up dressed to play goalie for the hockey team (which makes me feel protected, but looks downright cray),  I realized this: my hope was never supposed to be in the person/situation anyway.  Duh.com.  My hope is supposed to be in my higher power, the one who is greater than I, the Creator of this world, the universe... all that is seen and unseen.  How did I forget that (again)? So as I take off the goalie uniform, I realize: my hope is and always will be imbalanced if it's resting on anything other than the divine, the spiritual or the miraculous.  Anytime I hedge myself on anything else, I am instantly bolted into imbalance and who wants to feel dizzy and out of sorts all the time?  Not me. Let's place our hope in the One who created the butterfly and the Milky Way, shall we? The One who holds the world in His hands so to speak.  The One who keeps it all in check by managing (read: balancing) the tension and sorting out the proportions.  Whenever I come to this realization, one of my favorite prayers comes to mind: 

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.  Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time, accepting hardship as a pathway to peace.  Taking as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it.  Trusting that You will make all things right if I surrender to Your will, so that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with You forever in the next.  Amen.  

There was a time when that prayer pissed me the hell off, but that was then and this is now.  And now, that prayer and my belief in it are synonymous with one thing:  balance.  

XO Sharita

subconsciously ticked?

So the other day I woke up subconsciously ticked.  You know when you're pissed off internally, but you have yet to fully acknowledge or realize it?  This is what I call being subconsciously ticked.  You're slightly irritated, annoyed or heated but the reason why has yet to surface.  I hope you catch my drift... but anyways, like I said, I woke up SubT and now as I reflect, this may or may not've had to do with any of the following:

It was hot.  Way hot.  Hottttttttttttt.com 

Seriously.  There were wildfires blazing outta control, the sky was shades of black, gray and burnt umber AND homes were being burnt to the ground.  Literally.  We were praying for rain.  Still are.  

Turns out editing a book is much more time consuming in real life than it is in my dreams.  

I got rear-ended (again!) while stopped at a redlight.  Boohiss.

I could add more things (I am an HSP... my neck and low back are hurting... what is it about soreness hitting the day--and subsequent days--after?) but I won't... even though I kinda just did hahaha

When I sat down to attend a wedding just days after aforementioned rear-ending, that is when I realized that I was SubT...  

(You may not know this about me, but weddings are my favvvvv. I would get married every year (to the same man!) if I could.  I simply adore weddings.  The decorations, the covenant, a promise to love, honor, cherish and forsake all others, a new family forming, a new beginning... a gloriously extravagant display of Love.  It makes my heart swoon every time.)  

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...So as I witnessed holy matrimony, I released and let go of my SubT because once again I realized: Love Wins.  It sounds romantically hopeless, I know, but it is the truth.  Love always wins.  Always.  Wins.  And weddings symbolize this eternal truth.  As I sat in the lovely love-drenched atmosphere, SubT gave way to joy and gratitude.  Stories and laughter  filled the air as I engaged in heart felt conversation with friends who are like family.  These joys replaced  displaced SubT.  Thankfully.

Then came an overabundance of even more smile-inducing memories:

geeking out at the coffee shop with my twinnnn

"stim cells" -- electronic stimulatory goodness for a sore back

dinner with precious peeps 

holding a handsomely perfect six week old baby boy 

G.I. Joe missions galore

manicures and pedicures

flip flops

yoga

family

friends

wedding cake

a sweet baby girl fast asleep in my arms

friends who watch your dog for you when you're out of town (even though you always forget to ask until the last minute) 

a good book

cream and sugar with a little bit of coffee

road trips!

sincerely heartfelt conversation

and then just a few moments ago, this video: 

No need to be subconsciously ticked, see?  
"Let's look at the world a little differently" 
because Love is super legit and it wins, yall.  
Now.  Later.  Or in the End.  

Love wins.   XO Sharita