sackcloth and ashes

At the start of each year, I usually get a word or phrase that becomes my theme or mantra for the entire year.  Also, at the beginning of each year, I am unusually quiet and reflective about the direction of my life, goals, dreams and commitments.  I already told yall in my last post about my over-scheduling problem.  It's still large and in charge, which is a major sad face, so today is the day I begin trimming the excess off the calendar.  The dramatic part of me is in full mourning over this.  Full mourning.  So much so that I have taken it back to the old school:  I am preparing to dress in sackcloth and dump ashes upon my head as soon as I'm finished with this post.  If you know where I live, do a driveby... I will be near the curb thrashing wildly and lamenting loudly... at least until my husband gets home... because he will make me come inside.  

click here to purchase sackcloth

Why is it so tough for me to accept the fact that I cannot do it all?  That sometimes what is good will become a thief of what's best if I'm not careful.  That I am in a season of life that is demanding in more ways than I even know how to express.  But I think every season of life tends to feel like that which brings me back to the fact that I can't do it all.  Sigh... dumps ashes on head... I keep telling myself that these schedule changes are for my own good and the good of those who are near and dear.  When I look at my commitments and goals for the year, I know that in order to embrace new things, I have to let go of others... puts on sackcloth... I will do what's right for me.  I will.  Even though there will be a mixture of joy (for new things) and some mourning (for the loss of former things)... Therefore I will weep by the curb (until my husband gets home).  

Why in the world am I so dramatic, you ask?  I think it has something to do with being a HSP.  It has been a lifelong trait, just ask my mother.  I'm really looking forward to God explaining that to me one day.  

So back to that reflection and direction for the year... The word (well, one of them) that has been stirring in my heart and soul for year is give.  

Give your self fully to the things that are most important right now.  
Give up some things so that you can fully focus your time, resources and energy. 

Give ... right now I am pondering this word and its definition.  
As I feel led, I am acting with conviction.  

*takes phone call*

I just gave up my first thing and it feels sad, liberating, frustrating, right, wrong and weird all at the same time.  It isn't fun, yet I know within my soul that it is the right decision for this season of life...dumps another bucket of ashes on head.  

Sometimes life is such a mixture of contrasting emotions.  I keep reminding myself that without change there'd be no butterflies...

To know when and where to give myself fully.  
To know when and where to give up fully too.  

This is my journey for 2012...
Do you have a theme word or phrase for the year?  

XOXO Sharita

p.s.  Honk if you pass by while I'm wailing curbside... 

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