You know those days when you feel like blah for no reason? Except there are reasons? This sort of day happened to me recently. I was missing my family like cray. I'm still in transition so everyday feels like I'm a tester for roller coasters, and people are showing me who they are and for better or worse, I am believing them. I've recently realized and accepted the fact that sometimes our hearts intertwine and stay that way forever just because. Other times, we fully face and seek to embrace the reality that shelf lives, seasons, and expiration dates are for real. Another reason that propelled me into blah-dom: In the same night, I experienced euphoric heights of love and connection with my tribe, and then somehow crash landed into a desolate island where foolishness had gone to seed and taken root. The juxtaposition was a jarring yet poignant reminder of what I choose to embrace and that which I can entertain no longer...
All of these feelings were a cocktail of contrasting emotions. Sitting on top of my own turbulent heart sensations were the tough situations of folks I love and adore. It was all too much and I woke up with a sense of drowning in overwhelm. Flying down the highway I said a whine of a prayer that went something like this: Please help. Everything feels so harsh right now. Like it's all too much and I am not feeling the love. The very thing I thought would heal me has brought me undone. It feels like I cannot sense love and beauty anymore. Open my eyes and help me see. Help, help, help.
I floundered and felt bottomed out emotionally for a few hours, but I kept pushing through--on the verge of tears--taking one step at a time. A phone call from my favorite uncle was the first sign. His call was the lifter of my head. We talked for hours and it was food to my soul. Food. To my soul, yall. Monarch butterflies were the next omen. All day, everywhere I went, they fluttered nearby and made my heart leap. Their orange wings brought me hope for the present moment. Even Neighbor was involved without knowing. She rounded out the trifecta when she so lovingly ran an errand for me. I didn't ask or expect her to yet she *always* does things like this for me; however, on this particular day, she delivered a loving message from the librarian. Her exact words that echoed in my heart: You are loved by even librarians.
God's answer was undeniable: See the beauty and feel the love because it is SO there.
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| Earth Angels are real yall! |
The day could have ended right there for me because I truly received the message and my heart was full; however, "my cup runneth over" when my doorbell rang and a true Earth Angel was standing on my porch with the most glorious bouquet I have EVER seen. Blow me away, sweet Baby Jesus. We talked, took a ride together, and then talked some more. Just being with Earth Angel undid the crash landing, unraveled the overwhelm, and healed another little piece of my heart. Friends, there is hope for the present moment. May you see the beauty and feel the love. May your overwhelm come undone and your heart receive sweet healing. If you need a sign, just ask. Surely it will come (tweet it).
