we all have super powers... for reals

The other day on Facebook, someone that I barely know messaged me asking where they could hear my music.  I am in the process of copyrighting my original music (not to mention the ongoing saga that is life: dishes, family time, honey time, self time, home school, dinner, play time... I know you get the drift...) and in the midst of singing and speaking gigs that come to me by word of mouth, it just hadn't occurred to me to put myself out there like that until BAM!  Someone that I didn't know was a'asking.  So, I got my Google on and figured out how to tack some musical goodness onto my Facebook page, which got me to thinking how easy it is to hide our light under a bush for whatever reason.  Whatever the reason--whether it is intentional (you know, playing small to try and make others feel better about themselves), false humility (aka low self esteem) or whatever else that's been pulled from the bag of tricks-- it is wrong.  Wrong.  We are supposed to let our light shine and share our giftedness as a beacon of light, love and encouragement.  *Please note that shine is not synonymous with narcissism.*  It's more of a I shine, You shine, We all shine sort of thing.  That we share our love and passion (whatever it may be!) with others and then listen closely for theirs.  

Thank you, Laura & Tony

There is tremendous freedom in knowing and honoring ourselves and each other. It is a life long discovery, an evolutionary process of course, but as I look back over my life, I realize this: I repeatedly find myself using truth and the power of my voice.  Shushed repeatedly throughout school (Kindergarten to college, no lie!) and even at home, I realize now that this voicebox is my gift to the world.  My money maker.  Effortless and as easy as breathing because it is who I am.  And hate it or love it, I ain't going no where.  Neither are you.  See, we all have a special something to contribute to this mixing pot.  So I really want you to think about what you have to offer.  What consistent threads remain throughout the test of time in your life? Focus on the good (not the bad!) and herein you will find the secret, the truth, really, of who you were born to be.  I change and positively impact the world with the power of my voice by singing, writing and speaking authentic truth.  

That's my super power.  What's yours?

humpty dumpty was not an egg

Which makes me wonder who decided that he was?

When you read the story, there is no evidence that supports the assertion that has prevailed throughout the annals of history. Yes, Humpty Dumpty sat, had a great fall, and subsequently broke, but who is to say that HD wasn't a glass trinket, fine china or an exquisite vase (pronounced "vahs" of course).  For all we know, Humpty could have been Tennessee Williams' inspiration for The Glass Menagerie.  The king's horses and men ain't nowhere around to be testifying to accuracy of this here egg business, you know.    

And if Humpty was an exquisite "vahs"... what a demotion?!   Cracked glass beats a cracked egg in my book any day.  Both are a pain to clean up, but to be broken and blinging or broken and oozing yellow?  Why, that's a no brainer. 

Which gets me to thinking...

Let no one write your story for you, dear.  

Sometimes people mix up the details.  

Or their vantage point may be a tad blurry.  

So YOU be the writer of the script, the dreamer of the dream,

the speaker of destiny and truth as it pertains to you.  

Let your words towards yourself be seasoned with grace and encouragement.  

May faith forever be your plumb line.

YOU be your greatest cheerleader. 

Promote yourself like a champion.

Dance around the ring like a prizefighter.

Be your own sponsor 

and no matter how long a particular story has been told about you, 

don't be afraid to rewrite it.  

Because you can.  

first my heart broke, then hummingbirds came

Once upon a time I bought a hummingbird feeder.  Although I have loved hummingbirds for a long long time, it never occurred to me to purchase a feeder because I figured we lived too close to the city.  But one day I saw a feeder smack dab on a neighbor's front porch HALF FULL of nectar and that was all the encouragement I needed.  So I planted a penstemon (attracts hummies), hung my feeder and faithfully tended to the nectar. But no hummies came.  I remained diligent to the mission and prayed for hummingbirds to come because I really really really wanted to see one. None showed up, but I kept trying.  I plodded on and even asked my husband and Neighbor's husband to pray for hummingbirds to come.  Both were silent, gave me the side eye and slowly walked away.  Whatever, haters!  If I make it (the nectar), they will come, I thought.  So I kept at it. I pressed on until about the year and a half/two year mark and when I *still* hadn't seen hummingbird the first, I was like done.  And ticked.  Off.  I didn't get rid of the feeder because it was cute and vintage-y looking, so I allowed it to remain in the garden.  I totally gave up on the hummies though.  I was extremely disappointed and I truly stopped believing that they would EVER show.  

Fast forward a year or so... feeder still in place, still empty as all get out... and I'm still reeling over the heartbreak of few successive rapid-fire punches that almost knocked the life out of me.  I was having a rough day.  A rough couple of days, weeks and months, actually.  I was putting on a brave face and showing up to do my absolute best, but the truth is I felt heartbroken.  Despite the way I was feeling, I kept showing up and when it was time to work (write), I went to my office to sit stare out the window write.  AS SOON AS I ENTERED THE ROOM, I saw a blur of something dart near the upper right side of the window.  I didn't think much of it, but I did look towards the movement and there was the cutest, smallest, most adorable hummingbird I'd ever seen.  I was astonished.  Silently awestruck, I watched this gorgeous creature dance at the feeder.  Then I remember thinking, THERE'S NO NECTAR IN THERE.  Of all days for a hummie to come and there ain't no nectar...  Thankfully, this didn't seem to bother my beautiful friend one bit because the dancing continued and THEN he moved away from the feeder to the left side of the window and flapped and fluttered those beautiful wings directly facing me.  It was as if he was looking me right in the eye.  Time seemed to slow down and this felt like it went on for at least ten or twelve minutes.  In reality, it was more like ten to twelve seconds, which is like fifteen years for sporadic hummies, right?  Cutie Patootie flitted off, leaving the same direction he came, and I broke down and released the most guttural sobs.  

As I was on my knees crying, my sobs gave way to gratitude because I knew the hummingbird was a wonderful omen.  It was God's way of speaking to me because only He knows what hummingbirds mean to me. (I will not even attempt to convey their significance to you because words cannot express it.) My heart was wailing, releasing, celebrating and receiving... simultaneously. My omen was this: everything is gonna be alright.  Even if I can't  see when or how.  Even if I momentarily lose my way or stop believing.  Doesn't matter because He is building something that does not depend on how I feel at any given moment.  And this builder NEVER fails.  Just when I pulled myself together and thought the tender moment was over, Cutie Patootie came back (several times!) and even brought a friend.  I cried on and off all day.  

I wanted to end this post with something about Prince and how this is what it sounds like when doves cry because I was crying and birds are involved, but since we're dealing with hummingbirds and not doves, I will just say this: It is going to be ok, so don't stop believing.  And even if you do, God will never give up on you or stop believing in you.  #thatslove

The remarkably brilliant Brene Brown refers to this leg of the journey as a "breakdown spiritual awakening."  Quite frankly, I would have preferred to receive this lesson/these lessions via book or osmosis, even, but since that ain't the way it works, my advice to US is this: lean into the heartbreak, push through the heart wrenching pain or metaphorically give it the finger by showing up each day anyway because regardless of how you feel or what it looks like, what you do or do not do, there is a favorable blessing over your life and your sign will come.  Rest assured that whatever you need...  it will come.  

♥ Sharita

foolywank friday: everything is easy #lie

Pretending like life is easy.  Why do we do it?  Why do we lie to ourselves and others saying everything is all good when it isn't? Sometimes life delivers a tough and swift kick to the gut; other times life delivers a huge bouquet right on our doorstep.  My point today is this:  when life is tough... and at some point it will be because the struggle is inevitable... reach out to someone you can trust and let them know what's up.  We all need encouragement and support on the regular, but during the tough times, we need it even more.  

Stop pretending like _______ isn't hard.  


Fill in the blank...


life
this relationship
working
trusting others
marriage
trying again
moving
moving on
cleaning up
saying goodbye
child-rearing
letting go
divorce
single parenting
holidays with/without the extended fam
working out
kicking a habit
eating healthy 
transition
empty nest
love
sickness
death
being your best self

Fill in the blank and then stop pretending.  Because in this case, pretending is synonymous with lying to yourself and we all know that lying to yourself is NEVER a good thing. 

Life is hard sometimes because it is a battle.  

Oh yes, there are moments of reprieve: time to reflect and take in all the beauty and splendor. Yet there are undeniable times of disappointment or momentary paralysis.  In those difficult moments, it is important to say (admit!) to a loved one or trusted friend that this situation "is hard" or things are "rough right now."  Sometimes we just need to say it so we can hear that loved one or trusted friend say, "I can imagine" or "I understand" ... or perhaps they'll sit with us, hug us, pray for us, talk us off the ledge or simply hold our hand.  

Sometimes we need to hear "I know it's tough, BUT YOU CAN DO IT."

Sometimes it's hard and then it gets hardER before it gets easy.  

Just keep pressing on, my friend.  Change is coming.  The struggle is inevitable, but change is too.  So is triumph and it is in your blood to battle and emerge victoriously.  

Quit pretending like it's not hard sometimes though.  Everything is easy = Lie.

Life is gloriously brutal, breathtakingly beautiful, worth doing.

Fight hard for faith, family, friendship, hopes, dreams and love.

These things are all worthwhile.

Let's just make sure we love, support and encourage each other along the way.  

We will come through it if we are willing to press on rather than pretend.  

keep on keeping on

Yesterday was a little rough.  

It started out with major communication irritations, peaked in a nostalgic-sentimental mood and then plummeted into a furious funk.  I still don't really understand how I went from one extreme to the other, but it happened nonetheless.  Gratefully, I didn't say or do anything yesterday that I regret today. 

As I wrote complaints from the cloud of fury into my journal last night, the negative energy was overwhelming so I wrote out a simple prayer and asked God to "meet me right now... to raise me up to him... to save me from my mess... from myself...to help me stop hating the things I cannot change about this life... to give me strength and courage to change the things I can..."  I also told him that I am "desperate for you to answer because I am on the last fiber of the thread that was once a rope."  I ended with two thoughts of gratitude (in direct opposition to the pervasive funk!), put my pen down and shut my journal.  

This morning... not too long ago, actually, I heard encouraging words in my heart, soul and spirit.  Words that are just too good to keep to myself.  So in case you need a reminder (like I did...), here goes:

"We are building something here that does not depend on how you feel at any given moment.  It is not about your lifetime; it's about your legacy."

I am holding onto this nugget of truth today and I hope you will grasp hold of it too.  We are part of something much greater than we can see, fathom or completely comprehend.  Let's encourage and remind each other (especially on the rough days!) that we are cultivating a legacy so it IS worth it to keep going.  

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mom panel

I get to be part of a really awesome panel of 6 mamas.  The purpose?  To encourage moms in their current season of life and give them a heads up about what's ahead.  If you're not a mom, stay with me because the material we share actually applies to all people.  Grannies, Papaws, Cousins, Godparents, Siblings, Foster Parents, Guardians, Aunts and Uncles even.  Everybody can walk away with helpful information.  Promise.

The cool thing about the panel is that it's comprised of 6 women and we're all from different walks of life.  Each mama shares ten things she is learning or has learned about her current season of life.  It's funny.  It's real.  It's encouraging.  I am on the panel and I laugh, cry and learn something new every time we speak. 

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Just to whet your tastebuds... here are a few juicy bits:

Raising Preschool Children 

Never bad mouth spouse, parents, in-laws to/with/in front of the chi'ren.  Save personal gripe sessions for a  confidante (not your child) who will listen to you, pray for you and then tell you to snap out of it!  

Raising Elementary Ages  

My example trumps all.  We can say what we want to our children, but they will follow what we do.  How I live matters.  

Raising Teenagers

I have learned not to overreact and jump in too early... I need to respond vs. react... I realize my child will pick up on my emotions and it can possibly make things worse.  

Raising College Age "Adults" 

You've had them 18 years... it's too late if you haven't taught them to make their bed, wash their own clothes, be responsible with money, choose their own friends and study.  Sink or swim... let them... and don't nag.  

Interactions w-Married "Children" and Grandchildren

Love grown children and their spouses unconditionally.  Encourage constantly.  Find positive character traits and offer genuine praise often.  Communicate with genuine love and respect.  

Raising children as a Single Parent

Choose to go on living rather than allow myself to be paralyzed emotionally and spiritually... living in a long-term dazed state.  I may have to make this choice repeatedly.  

And that's just an appetizer!  I hope something encouraged or inspired ya!  Pass it on or live it.  Community is a huge part of raising young'uns so don't discount yourself if you aren't a parent.  We all have a part to play  in the lives of people who are younger than we are. 

And as far as the mom panel goes, it's a full dose of laughter, truth and encouragement.  Pinky swear!  We travel and we're willing to talk to anybody who'll listen! Holler if you'd like to have us come share the full monty!  

I ain't lookin like no slapper

I just had to share this interview because it was doubly refreshing to hear true wisdom and common sense coming from such a young and undeniably talented lady.  Generally speaking, I found her comments to be authentic, encouraging and inspiring.  I am sharing this in the hope that something she says is beneficial to you too.  Personally speaking (as a singer who also has no desire to crawl across a stage buck-naked or pseudo-buck-naked), I am grateful for her courage and boldness because (whether she realizes it or not) she is pioneering.   

"Exploiting yourself sexually is not a good look." <----- THAT is my favorite thing she said.  

Usually, it's Adele's vocals that dominate conversation about the British singer. But the 23-year-old's physique became Topic A when Karl Lagerfeld told Metro newspaper: "She is a little too fat." The comment sparked outrage and an apology from Lagerfeld.  "With high-profile critics like this, how does Adele herself feel about her figure? When Anderson Cooper recently interviewed the star for a "60 Minutes" profile, Adele said she rarely thinks about her body image and feels no pressure to be a "skinny-mini" or wear revealing, hyper-sexual clothing.  "Even if I did have, you know, a 'Sports Illustrated' body, I'd still wear elegant clothes," she said. "I ain't lookin' like no 'slapper' (slang for a promiscuous woman)."   -excerpt from CBS NEWS  

THIS: I ain't looking like no slapper...

has become my favourite* phrase.  

Don't you be looking like no slappa' either! OK?

XOXO ♥ Sharita

*for Adele and Brits everywhere ;D

If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies...

Reveling in the joy of the Christmas season.  Love, peace and joy.  Surrounded by friends and family.  Nothing beats spending quality time with the ones you love.  Nothing.  As I look around our den... toys are everywhere, the Cosby Show just finished playing and the people I get to do life with literally bring me joy.  The holidays are a season of togetherness and rest.  A time to take into account what really matters and carry that awareness into the future.  Life is good and I am grateful.  Truly grateful.  


Here is another oldie but goodie post.  You might want to read this post first though... and be sure to check out a few of my favorite bloggers below.  




Now that you have a firm grasp on who you are at home and you've decided whether or not you like what you see, it's time to address your outlook towards change.  Whether or not you  need to make changes in your life right now, it is time to fully embrace the concept of change.  

Seasons change...

Relationships change...

You change...

I change... 

Claudia True's Art      

Change is an inevitable and constant catalyst throughout life.  So the question today is do you willingly embrace or willfully resist change?  Friends, I am learning to willingly embrace  it.  Once upon a time I viewed change as a bad thing; however, I now see that change is a positive, healthy and undeniably dynamic sign of growth.  I am reminded of this truth every time I see a butterfly.  

In the midst of change there are definitely uncomfortable moments and sometimes the process literally hurts; HOWEVER,  on the other side of change, the full beauty of the journey is on display as you are enveloped and forever transformed by the rich experience.  


My encouragement to you today is this: Do not underestimate an opportunity to experience positive change and transformation.  Change is synonymous with freedom. Just when the caterpillar thought it was all over, he became a butterfly.








These are a few of my favorite blogs...


1.  5things.us 
My good friend, Holly's blog about raising girls in today's world.  Topics include healthy relationships, identity, mean girls, media, boys and real stories of moms and teens.  Every blog is a good read.  Her most recent blog about their stocking tradition is my fav.  

2.  Music Nerd Musings
Another good friend's blog.  She talks music, music, music and her posts make me laugh, smile or reminisce every time.  Her current series is entitled December Soul, which makes the musician in me swoon. 



Christmas love and holiday hugs from me to you!!! XOXO
  

Throwback Thursday: Remember when you were going to change the world?

Today I had the awesome pleasure of having lunch with a longtime friend who is truly a kindred spirit.  Although we hadn't seen each other face to face in several years, we share a deep connection that was forged and developed during a very special season in life.  This type of connection can never fade for it transcends all we know and converges at the very depths of who we are as individuals.  I was SO happy to see her again.  I was excited and I was expecting a time of truthful, inspiring and dynamic interaction...  cause that's how we roll.  She still looks EXACTLY the way I remember her...  lovely and radiant on the outside and within.  What I adore most about this meeting is our time of encouragement and fellowship.  We discover that our journeys are parallel in a variety of ways and really, this is no surprise.  We have been through the fire... gone to hell and back and here we are... still standing with a steady and deep resolve to live a life overflowing with joy, hope and authentic purpose. Deep calls unto deep as memories, declarations and reminders of sacred callings, hopes and dreams flood the surface.  Time feels suspended as I remember when... 
May you too be reminded of the hopes, callings and dreams of long ago for today is the due date of yesteryear.  

the not so much list...

Let me just begin by saying I truly appreciate the LOVE and ENCOURAGEMENT that was showered upon me yesterday.  All the support (texts! and emails! and comments! oh my!) makes me feel like the luckiest girl ever.  


Welcome to Day Deux @ Above the Fray... It's so fun getting to know each other and all...  This sorta feels like the beginning of the school year...  Getting to know the teacher... the teacher getting to know you... learning the rules of each classroom...   'Member that???

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Well, it has always been odd to me that we introduce ourselves with all the things we adore and rarely ever know (let alone tell) people the things that drive us up the wall.  Why do we keep annoyances on the downlow?  Do we expect people to figure these things out by osmosis?  It can take years (synonymous here with forever) to discover that which annoys the heck out of somebody and by then the bridge is usually going up in flames. 






My new philosophy is this: 
Know thyself... this includes the LOVES and the NOT SO MUCHSIES.  
This link will take you to my LOVES: 
http://sharitabent.blogspot.com/p/about-me.html

BUT since this post is not about my LOVES...  Ladies & Gentlemen...

My Not So Much List:
junk mail
stank breath
lazy peeps
charging my cell phone (can someone create a solution for this already?)
frowning
deviled eggs
miscommunication
gossip
anything cookie cutter
one way relationships 
pessimism
potato salad
ppl who talk while the movie is playing 
envy
strife
negativity
heavy winter coats
talking when I'm sleepy/hungry or first thing in the AM
mayo, ketchup, pickles, mustard
liars
energy vampires
idle chitchat
whipped cake frosting (gag!!!)
tuna
mean people
drama kings or queens
haters
labels/stereotypes
moles having a hayday in my backyard
prejudices 
living a mediocre existence (not honoring my dreams and passions)
denial
snakes
personal space invaders
stinky burps to the face or burps in close quarters




I initially came across the idea of a NO List in an awesome book by Cheryl Richardson called The Art of Extreme Self Care.  The idea seemed selfish and pessimistic to me at first glance; however, I am starting to realize:


The power of knowing how and when to say NO will allow me to say YES appropriately and without reservation.  



What about you... 
Are you any good at saying NO?  
What are some of the things on your Not So Much List?  

Hey Yall!!!

Welcome to my corner of the web!  I am so excited to be posting my FIRST blog!  I wanted to start a blog years ago, but I kept making excuses.  Finally, I'm over it!  I've put it off long enough... so today is the day!!!!!  Here at Above the Fray, I hope to provide encouragement and inspiration for folks to live out their dreams, discuss life challenges and find solutions, fully embrace the adventure of life, share the laughter & love, navigate the ups and downs, and never ever ever give up!
By nature, I am an encourager and a dreamer ... eternally optimistic and genuinely enthusiastic (unless I'm sleepy or hungry and then... not so much).  I appreciate good music, hot tea, connecting with others, true friends, supportive family, just about anything vintage, hugs and laughter that makes my side hurt.  I am a deeply creative, highly sensitive person who is often thinking outside of the typical parameters.  Without a doubt, I believe that everyone has the gifting and ability to contribute something that is special and unique to the world.  Everyday everyone gets another chance to live their best life.  If life sucks today, be encouraged...things will get better!  If your life is already good, well things can just keep getting better.  YOU, your attitude and your circle of influence are major determining factors.  
Let's support and motivate each another along the road of authentic living!  
I'm gonna make a difference in this world and I know that you can too!  I do hope you'll join me.  It'll be a fun ride!!! There's a little piece of the dream in my heart...  Writing this blog to you today is a part of my dream.  What's your dream?