above the fray: dreams

Pretending like life is easy. Why do we do it? Why do we lie to ourselves and others saying everything is all good when it isn't? Sometimes life delivers a tough and swift kick to the gut; other times life delivers a huge bouquet right on our doorstep. My point today is this: when life is tough... and at some point it will be because the struggle is inevitable... reach out to someone you can trust and let them know what's up. We all need encouragement and support on the regular, but during the tough times, we need it even more.

Stop pretending like _______ isn't hard.

Fill in the blank...

life
this relationship
working
trusting others
marriage
trying again
moving
moving on
cleaning up
saying goodbye
child-rearing
letting go
divorce
single parenting
holidays with/without the extended fam
working out
kicking a habit
eating healthy
transition
empty nest
love
sickness
death
being your best self

Fill in the blank and then stop pretending. Because in this case, pretending is synonymous with lying to yourself and we all know that lying to yourself is NEVER a good thing.

Life is hard sometimes because it is a battle.

Oh yes, there are moments of reprieve: time to reflect and take in all the beauty and splendor. Yet there are undeniable times of disappointment or momentary paralysis. In those difficult moments, it is important to say (admit!) to a loved one or trusted friend that this situation "is hard" or things are "rough right now." Sometimes we just need to say it so we can hear that loved one or trusted friend say, "I can imagine" or "I understand" ... or perhaps they'll sit with us, hug us, pray for us, talk us off the ledge or simply hold our hand.

Sometimes we need to hear "I know it's tough, BUT YOU CAN DO IT."

Sometimes it's hard and then it gets hardER before it gets easy.

Just keep pressing on, my friend. Change is coming. The struggle is inevitable, but change is too. So is triumph and it is in your blood to battle and emerge victoriously.

Quit pretending like it's not hard sometimes though. Everything is easy = Lie.

Life is gloriously brutal, breathtakingly beautiful, worth doing.

Fight hard for faith, family, friendship, hopes, dreams and love.

These things are all worthwhile.

Let's just make sure we love, support and encourage each other along the way.

We will come through it if we are willing to press on rather than pretend.

credit

"If you want your life to have a point, you'll have to taper it." -Laura Francis

Verbal checkmate death blow to a recovering thought I could do it all, but I know 'tis true. So as I vacillate between missions of ending hunger, building bridges out of poverty, swimming with dolphins, riding elephants in Bangladesh, folding laundry, cooking dinner, loving orphans, globetrotting, caring for widows and poor folk, telling people Jesus loves em, singing songs of hope, going grocery shopping, teaching and encouraging others, the whole taper thing comes to mind because you see, my list is broad. T O O B R O A D. Time to narrow down, lean in and focus on what's really important in the right here and right now... in this season of life. Doesn't mean I won't build bridges out of poverty. Doesn't mean I won't love and care for widows and orphans. Because I do and I will continue to do so; however, there is a natural order to fulfilling your dreams and it revolves heavily around your life priorities. A few years ago, my brother shared this revolutionary list with me and now I'm sharing it with you. In order of importance, here goes:

God
Spouse
Children
Call of God
Job
Others
Yourself

PLEASE for the love of all things seen and unseen, keep reading even if you're single, have no children or think that God sucks. I ask you to keep reading because for everyone, purpose and priority begin with the deep, intuitive, genuine part of you that is spirit. Hence spirituality or a relationship with God (who LOVES YOU UNCONDITIONALLY and is like the best dad/dream dad ever!). For me, the list above helps tremendously because if I am working my singing, writing and speaking while neglecting my hubster and our young'un, I know that I've just booked a one-way ticket to Crazy Town. And since I no longer enjoy trips to that place, I now know how to re-direct and re-focus my efforts. Meditating on scriptures and praying always bring me back to center and from there it's easy peasy to do life. I cannot tell you how many times I have forgotten this simple yet profound truth. Nor can I tell you how many years my priorities in life looked like this:

Me
Doing
Whatever
I
Want
To
Do

OR THIS:

Doing
Everything
That
Others
Want
Me
To Do

Yeah, those eras didn't fare so well.

Today I am so grateful to be living in a place of clarity where my priorities are straight. Yes, walking it out can be a real booger at times, but I'm committed to giving my best effort everyday. Doing my 100% absolute best and trusting God to do the rest.

The cool thing about this list for properly prioritizing life is that it works for every stage and every aspect of life. Married with no kids? Life priorities looks this:

God
Spouse
Call of God

Job

Others

Yourself

Not married with kids?
God
Children

Call of God

Job

Others

Yourself

Single with no kids?
God
Call of God
Job
Others
Yourself

You see, you just skip over any aspect of life that doesn't apply to you. Skip over any aspect EXCEPT GOD. <---That's the clincher here and He applies to you, loves you and wants to be part of your life whether you know it or not. Whether you open your heart to Him or not... and even if you think He sucks, He still loves you with a passion because He's just bomb.com like that.

If you're single now but you get married next year, you add spouse to the list at the appropriate time.

The "call of God" is specific to each individual and it includes:
your natural talents and gifted-ness
the issues that you are passionate about
the thing(s) you do that make(s) your heart race and
you never ever get tired of it and
it never ever feels like "work"

For me those things are writing, singing, speaking/teaching, working with young people and encouraging others. Sometimes your job and the call of God are synonymous. Other times they are two separate entities altogether. Neither way is wrong or right, it just depends on the season (of life) you're in...

And placing yourself at the end of the list does NOT mean that you neglect to take care of yourself. No you ARE to care for yourself. It's all about maintaining a healthy balance, knowing that life is not ALL about you yet knowing that it's not about neglecting yourself either. It's a delicate balance for sure, but it is totally do-able. One of my favorite reminders from scripture is this: Love your neighbor as your self. How can I love my neighbor if I don't love myself? It's not possible, peeps. So it's about living with the awareness that life is not "all about me" (aka being selfish or narcissistic), learning the balance of giving and receiving as well as caring for others and myself. Placing yourself at the top of the list is the fast track to Narcissist Island, which ultimately isolates and destroys the individual. Even the Greeks knew that to be true. See their story about Narcissus here.

God's totally unselfish love is the only sustaining force that cannot be diluted, compromised, found faulty or remotely shaken. And I know this only because it happens to be my bedrock foundation. The fact that I am still standing (after all I have been through) is no little thing. I'm sure the same is true for you. So, that being said, let's get and keep our priorities straight. Let's adjust whenever we see a subtle reminder that things are off track. For years, I kept this list on my bathroom mirror and it was also written in the the front flap of my journal. I think it's time for me to put the list on display once more.

Let us live with hope for a bright future that is the fulfillment of our wildest, deepest and most passionate dreams; yet be fully focused and engaged in the present, that which is before us today. Paper stacks, half finished projects, punches in the face from the internet and all... I like to keep myself accountable and in check on the daily never forgetting the fact that I've got a pimped out ride in Bangladesh.

♥ Sharita

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