transitions

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Anybody other than me going through some major transitions and changes right now? Lord, I sure do hope I ain't the only one. While I welcome change and transition like I would welcome a beloved, lifelong friend, somehow I always seem to forget how difficult periods of alteration can be.  So as I sit smack dab in the middle-- well, hopefully, more like three quarters of the way into this leg of my life journey, I can see how I've grown and matured in some ways.  I've learned to take things like this in stride a bit better than before. I've always known and chosen to believe that no matter what happens, I am going to be alright. Nevertheless, there is still a small part of me that wants to throw a tantrum, pout it out, then sit down and have a real good cry.  Why? Because everything feels so raw.  I feel extremely vulnerable and fragile because I have no idea about the ultimate plan and the unfolding timeline of events.  I've done all I can, and now, I must trust the process.  And wait.  It feels like I'm standing in a corridor.  Just standing.  Out here.  Unable to go into a room yet.  You know, just hanging out in the hallway.  It's dark and it's awkward because I can hear the buzz of activity going on behind the doors that are around me-- even though I'm not currently immersed in any of those worlds.  I'm waiting for the light to come on, for a door to fly open so that I can walk in dancing. I've done all I know to do, so now I'm waiting: Learning patience.  Resting: Learning more about Self Care.  Playing: Learning what Play looks like to me now in this stage of Life.  Keeping my friends close and letting the drama and its minstrels fade into oblivion.  Even though it feels uncomfortable, I know I am in a really good space.  Transition seems hardest when I'm trying to look cool, calm, and in control of the ride; however, when I let go of my perceived route and just roll with the reoccurring recalculations of the GPS, then (and only then) does the light turn on in the hallway.  And in that illuminated moment, I realize that I've got this.  And by this, I mean that I can jam, dance, laugh, and sing because my only job right now is to rock out in the hallway, and then keep the party going when the right door swings open.  

opinions...everybody's got one

Same with bellybuttons and butt cracks.  It's time to bring back the lost art of knowing when and when not to keep your opinion to yourself.  If someone asks what you think or if you are encouraging and lifting someone's countenance, go for it!  I'm all about that!  But if you are waxing nostalgic on the great depth of your knowledge + your right-ness, you can save that garbage for the trash can.  Nobody wants to hear anything from a know it all.  So let's go ahead and shut that down--like--forever.  

My mode for sharing my opinion goes something like this: Is it true?  Is it necessary?  Is it kind?  <--That last one trips me up sometimes, so I have asked close friends, "What is the kind way to say ____?" whenever it is lost on me.  Also, having a relationship (a significant amount of time together, intimate conversation + connection, love, kinship, friendship, respect... some sort of SOLID foundation) is KEY.  Do NOT try lecturing or opining when you ain't got no in-road, ain't nobody asked, and what you're saying is not marinated in utter compassion + conviction.    

On Twitter the other day I saw the most hilarious tweet by @majani_: "A detailed list of people who asked for your opinion: _______  _______  _______  _______  _______  _______  _______" It LITERALLY made me laugh out loud.  What a poignant reminder to mind ya bidness!  xoxoxo

college homies

I had a fabulous college experience.  I met some of the most wonderful peeps (including my husband!) and it is absolutely delightful whenever I get to talk or re-connect with my college friends.  Recently, I got to hang with a few of my college pals.  We were brought together by way of marriage.  A former wingmate salsa-ed her way into holy matrimony and as a result, we fell right back into our high spirited, fun and mischievous ways.  Here are few quotables from our time together: 

1. THIS IS WHY YOU DON'T STAY-- said when you have been roped into handling responsibilities that are not your own because you lingered too long.  This phrase is to be said with a eyes set straight, mouth on smirk and head gently shaking no-no.  Expert at doing this: KRC

2. plomantic- when a friendship has crossed the platonic line but has yet to fully cross the romantic line, so you're both hanging out in what seems like no-man's-land.  Somewhere between platonic and romantic; a combination of the words PLatonic and rOMANTIC; this little gem was coined by yours truly ;)

3. You go on one roommate-a-date and now you're breastfeeding that man's baby--said in an attempt to capture/reconcile/understand all the time that has passed between now and then.  KRC once again.

4. THE perfect description of our beloved Senora.  She was summed up perfectly by SJC: "Seize the day has nothing on this woman.  She wakes up and murders the day."  #donquixotemeetsJackBauer #venticuatro 

There is SO much more... cooking dough, an eggplant that spills out,  moments that take 7 years off your life, Boo, you like like an alien... I could go on, but I'd be writing forever and I can't just give it all away, you know.  I will say this:  these girls have a piece of my heart and I like to think that I have a piece of theirs.  We laugh hard, keep it real, love fiercely, and we share and savor life.  Celebrate your special peeps today and everyday.  Give them a call, send em a text, do something.  My Grandaddy used to always say, Give people their flowers while they're living.  So, here's a bouquet, Imago Dei!  

forever friends

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You know... the people who have always got your back

Will tell you the truth 

Especially when/if no one else will

Walk through fire with you

Sing on the mountain top with you

Cheer for and celebrate you

Love you regardless and unconditionally

Laugh with you

Pray with you

Cry with you too

Forever friends are timeless.  Sometimes it's people you've known forever.  Sometimes it's people you've know for a year.  You can belly laugh, share your hopes and sorrows, and really expose the depth of who you are.  It is safe here.  The currency is love and vulnerability, two things that never go out of style but just appreciate with time.  

Do you have these sorta people in your life?  I hope you do. 

They're the people that you know you'll always be friends with.  The friends you talk to every day, every other day, day after day.  The friends you can go for months without talking to, but when you do talk, it's as if no time has passed.  Forever friends... today I honor and celebrate you.  You know who you are and I love you dearly.  Each one of you... dearly love.  You encourage and inspire me.  Your fabulous friendship makes life doubly sweet.

   XOXO 

imbalanced hope

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Sometimes I have this.  Imbalanced hope.  I keep showing up with a smile even though that situation or individual has kicked me in the teeth seventeen times.  All seventeen times that I have shown up.  Kicked in the teeth... every time. Well, maybe it was only sixteen times, but either way, the ratio is unfavorable and at the very least, I should be showing up with a mouthguard and headgear.  

What is funny about abusers teeth kickers is that they seem to get off on treating the people they love like crap.  I have had the honor privilege painful experience ... I have been able to observe this ridiculousness  first hand for almost fifteen years.  *cue violin* 

In a nutshell, it's painful to behold or experience and it sucks because the relationship is a one way highway to hell where you give and give and give and it's never ever ever reciprocated.  There are moments that at first glance seem to be reciprocation, but once again, it's a swift, hard kick to the pearly whites.  I don't know if these people/situations are psychotic, narcissistic or what exactly... and I'm done trying to figure it out really because it's their problem, not mine.  And, I have mucho bien amigos.  Mucho, mucho bien amigos who inspired me to write this post about the ways to be a fab friend.  This past weekend, I got to live out the awesomeness of fab friends at a reunion of sorts via wedding with some of my college pals who are equal parts hilarious, loving, honest and utterly amazing. It was heaven on earth and I will share *some* of that soonish...  But for now, back to the craycray peeps...  Dealing with them is downright dastardly and devilish and I have the scars and dental bills to prove it.  *violin solo ends*

So, in trying to find the healthy ground between showing up for a teeth kicking (again... hopefully not... this time could be different is how it usually goes in my head) or showing up dressed to play goalie for the hockey team (which makes me feel protected, but looks downright cray),  I realized this: my hope was never supposed to be in the person/situation anyway.  Duh.com.  My hope is supposed to be in my higher power, the one who is greater than I, the Creator of this world, the universe... all that is seen and unseen.  How did I forget that (again)? So as I take off the goalie uniform, I realize: my hope is and always will be imbalanced if it's resting on anything other than the divine, the spiritual or the miraculous.  Anytime I hedge myself on anything else, I am instantly bolted into imbalance and who wants to feel dizzy and out of sorts all the time?  Not me. Let's place our hope in the One who created the butterfly and the Milky Way, shall we? The One who holds the world in His hands so to speak.  The One who keeps it all in check by managing (read: balancing) the tension and sorting out the proportions.  Whenever I come to this realization, one of my favorite prayers comes to mind: 

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.  Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time, accepting hardship as a pathway to peace.  Taking as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it.  Trusting that You will make all things right if I surrender to Your will, so that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with You forever in the next.  Amen.  

There was a time when that prayer pissed me the hell off, but that was then and this is now.  And now, that prayer and my belief in it are synonymous with one thing:  balance.  

XO Sharita

subconsciously ticked?

So the other day I woke up subconsciously ticked.  You know when you're pissed off internally, but you have yet to fully acknowledge or realize it?  This is what I call being subconsciously ticked.  You're slightly irritated, annoyed or heated but the reason why has yet to surface.  I hope you catch my drift... but anyways, like I said, I woke up SubT and now as I reflect, this may or may not've had to do with any of the following:

It was hot.  Way hot.  Hottttttttttttt.com 

Seriously.  There were wildfires blazing outta control, the sky was shades of black, gray and burnt umber AND homes were being burnt to the ground.  Literally.  We were praying for rain.  Still are.  

Turns out editing a book is much more time consuming in real life than it is in my dreams.  

I got rear-ended (again!) while stopped at a redlight.  Boohiss.

I could add more things (I am an HSP... my neck and low back are hurting... what is it about soreness hitting the day--and subsequent days--after?) but I won't... even though I kinda just did hahaha

When I sat down to attend a wedding just days after aforementioned rear-ending, that is when I realized that I was SubT...  

(You may not know this about me, but weddings are my favvvvv. I would get married every year (to the same man!) if I could.  I simply adore weddings.  The decorations, the covenant, a promise to love, honor, cherish and forsake all others, a new family forming, a new beginning... a gloriously extravagant display of Love.  It makes my heart swoon every time.)  

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...So as I witnessed holy matrimony, I released and let go of my SubT because once again I realized: Love Wins.  It sounds romantically hopeless, I know, but it is the truth.  Love always wins.  Always.  Wins.  And weddings symbolize this eternal truth.  As I sat in the lovely love-drenched atmosphere, SubT gave way to joy and gratitude.  Stories and laughter  filled the air as I engaged in heart felt conversation with friends who are like family.  These joys replaced  displaced SubT.  Thankfully.

Then came an overabundance of even more smile-inducing memories:

geeking out at the coffee shop with my twinnnn

"stim cells" -- electronic stimulatory goodness for a sore back

dinner with precious peeps 

holding a handsomely perfect six week old baby boy 

G.I. Joe missions galore

manicures and pedicures

flip flops

yoga

family

friends

wedding cake

a sweet baby girl fast asleep in my arms

friends who watch your dog for you when you're out of town (even though you always forget to ask until the last minute) 

a good book

cream and sugar with a little bit of coffee

road trips!

sincerely heartfelt conversation

and then just a few moments ago, this video: 

No need to be subconsciously ticked, see?  
"Let's look at the world a little differently" 
because Love is super legit and it wins, yall.  
Now.  Later.  Or in the End.  

Love wins.   XO Sharita