imbalanced hope

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Sometimes I have this.  Imbalanced hope.  I keep showing up with a smile even though that situation or individual has kicked me in the teeth seventeen times.  All seventeen times that I have shown up.  Kicked in the teeth... every time. Well, maybe it was only sixteen times, but either way, the ratio is unfavorable and at the very least, I should be showing up with a mouthguard and headgear.  

What is funny about abusers teeth kickers is that they seem to get off on treating the people they love like crap.  I have had the honor privilege painful experience ... I have been able to observe this ridiculousness  first hand for almost fifteen years.  *cue violin* 

In a nutshell, it's painful to behold or experience and it sucks because the relationship is a one way highway to hell where you give and give and give and it's never ever ever reciprocated.  There are moments that at first glance seem to be reciprocation, but once again, it's a swift, hard kick to the pearly whites.  I don't know if these people/situations are psychotic, narcissistic or what exactly... and I'm done trying to figure it out really because it's their problem, not mine.  And, I have mucho bien amigos.  Mucho, mucho bien amigos who inspired me to write this post about the ways to be a fab friend.  This past weekend, I got to live out the awesomeness of fab friends at a reunion of sorts via wedding with some of my college pals who are equal parts hilarious, loving, honest and utterly amazing. It was heaven on earth and I will share *some* of that soonish...  But for now, back to the craycray peeps...  Dealing with them is downright dastardly and devilish and I have the scars and dental bills to prove it.  *violin solo ends*

So, in trying to find the healthy ground between showing up for a teeth kicking (again... hopefully not... this time could be different is how it usually goes in my head) or showing up dressed to play goalie for the hockey team (which makes me feel protected, but looks downright cray),  I realized this: my hope was never supposed to be in the person/situation anyway.  Duh.com.  My hope is supposed to be in my higher power, the one who is greater than I, the Creator of this world, the universe... all that is seen and unseen.  How did I forget that (again)? So as I take off the goalie uniform, I realize: my hope is and always will be imbalanced if it's resting on anything other than the divine, the spiritual or the miraculous.  Anytime I hedge myself on anything else, I am instantly bolted into imbalance and who wants to feel dizzy and out of sorts all the time?  Not me. Let's place our hope in the One who created the butterfly and the Milky Way, shall we? The One who holds the world in His hands so to speak.  The One who keeps it all in check by managing (read: balancing) the tension and sorting out the proportions.  Whenever I come to this realization, one of my favorite prayers comes to mind: 

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.  Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time, accepting hardship as a pathway to peace.  Taking as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it.  Trusting that You will make all things right if I surrender to Your will, so that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with You forever in the next.  Amen.  

There was a time when that prayer pissed me the hell off, but that was then and this is now.  And now, that prayer and my belief in it are synonymous with one thing:  balance.  

XO Sharita

how to prioritize your life

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"If you want your life to have a point, you'll have to taper it."  -Laura Francis

Verbal checkmate death blow to a recovering thought I could do it all, but I know 'tis true.    So as I vacillate between missions of ending hunger, building bridges out of poverty, swimming with dolphins, riding elephants in Bangladesh, folding laundry, cooking dinner, loving orphans, globetrotting, caring for widows and poor folk, telling people Jesus loves em, singing songs of hope, going grocery shopping, teaching and encouraging others, the whole taper thing comes to mind because you see, my list is broad.  T  O  O  B  R  O  A  D.  Time to narrow down, lean in and focus on what's really important in the right here and right now... in this season of life.  Doesn't mean I won't build bridges out of poverty.  Doesn't mean I won't love and care for widows and orphans.  Because I do and I will continue to do so; however, there is a natural order to fulfilling your dreams and it revolves heavily around your life priorities.  A few years ago, my brother shared this revolutionary list with me and now I'm sharing it with you.  In order of importance, here goes:

God
Spouse
Children
Call of God
Job
Others 
Yourself

PLEASE for the love of all things seen and unseen, keep reading even if you're single, have no children or think that God sucks.  I ask you to keep reading because for everyone, purpose and priority begin with the deep, intuitive, genuine part of you that is spirit.  Hence spirituality or a relationship with God (who LOVES YOU UNCONDITIONALLY and is like the best dad/dream dad ever!).  For me, the list above helps tremendously because if I am working my singing, writing and speaking while neglecting my hubster and our young'un, I know that I've just booked a one-way ticket to Crazy Town.  And since I no longer enjoy trips to that place, I now know how to re-direct and re-focus my efforts.  Meditating on scriptures and praying always bring me back to center and from there it's easy peasy to do life.  I cannot tell you how many times I have forgotten this simple yet profound truth.  Nor can I tell you how many years my priorities in life looked like this:

Me
Doing
Whatever
I 
Want 
To
Do


OR THIS:


Doing 
Everything
That
Others
Want 
Me 
To Do

Yeah, those eras didn't fare so well.  

Today I am so grateful to be living in a place of clarity where my priorities are straight.  Yes, walking it out can be a real booger at times, but I'm committed to giving my best effort everyday.  Doing my 100% absolute best and trusting God to do the rest.    

The cool thing about this list for properly prioritizing life is that it works for every stage and every aspect of life.  Married with no kids?  Life priorities looks this: 

God
Spouse
Call of God

Job

Others 

Yourself

Not married with kids?
God
Children

Call of God

Job

Others 

Yourself

Single with no kids?
God
Call of God
Job
Others 
Yourself

You see, you just skip over any aspect of  life that doesn't apply to you.  Skip over any aspect EXCEPT GOD.  <---That's the clincher here and He applies to you, loves you and wants to be part of your life whether you know it or not.  Whether you open your heart to Him or not... and even if you think He sucks, He still loves you with a passion because He's just bomb.com like that.  

If you're single now but you get married next year, you add spouse to the list at the appropriate time.  

The "call of God" is specific to each individual and it includes: 
your natural talents and gifted-ness
the issues that you are passionate about
the thing(s) you do that make(s) your heart race and 
you never ever get tired of it and 
it never ever feels like "work"

For me those things are writing, singing, speaking/teaching, working with young people and encouraging others.  Sometimes your job and the call of God are synonymous.  Other times they are two separate entities altogether.  Neither way is wrong or right, it just depends on the season (of life) you're in...

And placing yourself at the end of the list does NOT mean that you neglect to take care of yourself.  No you ARE to care for yourself.   It's all about maintaining a healthy balance, knowing that life is not ALL about you yet knowing that it's not about neglecting yourself either.  It's a delicate balance for sure, but it is totally do-able.  One of my favorite reminders from scripture is this: Love your neighbor as your self.  How can I love my neighbor if I don't love myself?  It's not possible, peeps.  So it's about living with the awareness that life is not "all about me" (aka being selfish or narcissistic), learning the balance of giving and receiving as well as caring for others and myself.  Placing yourself at the top of the list is the fast track to Narcissist Island, which ultimately isolates and destroys the individual.  Even the Greeks knew that to be true.  See their story about Narcissus here.

God's totally unselfish love is the only sustaining force that cannot be diluted, compromised, found faulty or remotely shaken.  And I know this only because it happens to be my bedrock foundation.  The fact that I am still standing (after all I have been through) is no little thing.  I'm sure the same is true for you. So, that being said, let's get and keep our priorities straight.  Let's adjust whenever we see a subtle reminder that things are off track.  For years, I kept this list on my bathroom mirror and it was also written in the the front flap of my journal.  I think it's time for me to put the list on display once more.  

Let us live with hope for a bright future that is the fulfillment of our wildest, deepest and most passionate dreams; yet be fully focused and engaged in the present, that which is before us today.  Paper stacks, half finished projects, punches in the face from the internet and all... I like to keep myself accountable and in check on the daily never forgetting the fact that I've got a pimped out ride in Bangladesh.  

♥ Sharita

dear blog, I've been cheating on you...

With Twitter.  


At first it was the cute bird that got my attention...

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You know how much I like birds, right?


Then it was 140 characters... 


Because it is so much easier to share thoughts in short rapid fire bursts.  


You know what I mean?  


How many characters does it take to fill an entire blank page anyway?  


*sigh*


Plus, I had another mishap with that certain someone who simply refuses to respect my boundaries... that always leaves me feeling a bit out of whack.  Then, I got to feeling sick... there's just been a bunch going on, you know?


There's ALOTTA good stuff blooming too... #futureblogtopics  


Look, even though I've been super busy lately, I do love you and I think of you often.  And I think I'm over my experiment obsession with the 140 rapid fire character bursts.  I think.  


We both know I've been thinking pondering really deep things lately... things that are tough to fully express ...as of right now, anyway.  And you know my style... when there's nothing to say, silence is golden.  


Just know that it's not you... it's me... and one day I will explain my tryst with Twitter... if I can ever find the right words, that is...  


You know I have several posts in the works...  Several.  I will start completing them and come back to you... Pinky Promise.  


I mean you both can be in my life being social media and all... I'm still finding just the right balance* so thank you kindly for your patience.  




Now that I've made up with my blog, I can say: 


I'm back and I sure have missed ya'll!!! If any of you'uns are on twitter, come say howdy!  Click THIS LINK RIGHT HERE  to check out some of my rapid-fire-blog-cheatin-tweets ;D

smooches, darlings!

♥ Sharita

* the key word that keeps showing up over and over in my life :)

4 rooms

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"There is an Indian proverb or axiom that says that everyone is a house with four rooms: a physical, a mental, an emotional and a spiritual. Most of us tend to live in one room most of the time, but unless we go into every room every day, even if only to keep it aired, we are not a complete person.”  -Rumer Godden

Isn't that a lovely quote?  I fell for it just as soon as I read it.  To me, it encapsulates all that makes us uniquely human beings.  I have yet to see a tree ponder the absurd heat that we are experiencing weather, taxes, fitness goals or the right to bear arms.  Trees don't seem to worry about going bald each Fall, the circumference of their trunk, old age or the new Maple next door.  No we are the only ones created to encompass aspects of the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual.  In our soul resides the simple and the complex.  (Mostly the simple... because I think we tend to make things too complex at times, but that's another blog post...)  We are part of the Divine paradigm, which (if you will open your heart to it) is really such a beautiful thing.  

Rumer Godden reminds me how important it is to live a balanced life full of simplicity, love, enjoyment, discipline and moderation.  It is so easy to become preoccupied obsessed with managing one aspect of life.  Whether it's extreme workouts and compulsive calorie counting, searching for self esteem through the pursuit of knowledge, acting and reacting like a fool about everything anybody says or does, or operating like a zealot with a list of rules for yourself and others, I have found that attempting to manage (READ: control) one aspect of life is not the way we're supposed to live.  Balance, which is found through maturity and discipline, is key.  In regards to the examples above, balance may mean that exercise and healthy choices are important, yet I can eat cake once in awhile.  It may also mean that I quench my thirst for knowledge without attaching self worth to the pursuit or that I respond rather than react and mind my business (not so much God's or anyone else's...).  

I believe God takes us on an an individual journey towards Balance to give us a glimpse of Paradise.  The route, experience and the expedition itself are designed for us to fully live in the encounters of every day while we nurture our souls and tend to the rooms of our heart.  We are designed to be whole because a fragmented life will not suffice.  You know it and so do I.  So today let's clean house or at very least open the windows to let in some fresh air.  

If you're gonna fall, stick it!

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Growing up involved in cheerleading and gymnastics, the term "stick it" has significant meaning.  In any given practice session, "stick it" is yelled countless times as an encouraging reminder to keep your composure and nail your jump, stunt or flip.  Oft times, hearing a team mate yell it (in a tone that made you know they were not messin' around with you and very well meant every word) could make the difference between wanting to give up (and bail out on said move) and actually committing to finish (or stick it) with excellence.  

Back in the day when I taught public school and was great with child (almost full term pregnancy), I walked across the hallway to ask a fellow teacher a question.  On my way back to my room, half of the hallway had been mopped (unbeknownst to me!).  It was after school and I was wearing flip flops (such a beloved shoe!) so when my left heel hit the wet side of the hallway, I headed south in a hurry.  As my left leg continued to slide further and further in front of me, I quickly evaluated my choices: 

try to fight it (no way of stopping this big belly train!) 

land on my back (attempting to turn would break at least one if not both legs)

stick it (and you know I did...)

I heard the old, familiar command from my inner being and decided to relax and work with the fall.  I let my left leg continue to slide out in front of me, kept my right leg behind me, squeezed my pregnant butt, tightened my thigh muscles and landed with my head and arms held high (a la Mary Lou Retton) in the most fabulous pregnant lady split you have EVER seen.  I had nary a scratch and I felt rather Olympic on the ground there.  Why, I think I held my split for a few seconds... then I called for my fellow teacher to help me get up!

Today, my encouragement to you is this:  STICK IT!  
Whatever you are doing...

a new job
the same old job
a new fitness routine
caring for others
caring for yourself
teaching
writing
singing
dancing
landscaping
sewing
branching out
moving 
or walking through a transition
newly married
re-married
happily married 
divorced
or living single
parenting
co-parenting
single parenting or
maybe you've got an empty nest
decorating
baking
in school or 
learning a "new normal"
state/nation/globe trotting 
daydreaming
creating your dream or
living out your dream...


Whatever you are doing, do it well.

Stick it like Mary Lou, ya hear?  Love & Hugs!!!